Room 054-2 (Completed)

11. .stage 4 fear of trying.

Gerard wandered back up the stairs, following along the corridor to his and Frank's shared dorm. He had his hand poised to tap in the code but stopped when he heard a guitar and a rough, yet soft voice humming- no, singing along.

Up until this point he had never heard Frank play as the smaller boy made sure he only ever got his precious instrument out when no one was around, almost as if he were embarrassed of it.

Gerard pressed his ear up against the door, listening as best he could to try and decipher what Frank was singing, his eyebrows raising at the lyrics and he felt tears prick his eyes,

"I know I've loved you all my life.
I swear I've loved you all along.
From the first time I laid eyes, until the day I die,
I know I'll love you until the end of time.
If you cross my heart I'll hope to die.-"

It was at this point Frank's voice quietened, and so Gerard quietened his own breathing, wanting to hear what else Frank had to say.

"It's been this way all my life.
I swear I've been a loser all my goddamned life.
Some people, they get up after life has beat them down.
Pretty sure I never made a sound.
Hell, I don't think I ever got off the ground.

"But the place that we end,
Ain't always where we began.
And since I'm telling the truth,
I just hope I end up with you in my arms.

"I hope somebody notices I was here.
I hope somebody notices me while I'm here.
And I don't long for much, I just wish I had your love.
God I hope you loved me being here.
Hope to God you loved me being here.
Because whenever I'm away I just wish that I could stay
Right by your side forever more.
Stuck in your side forever more."

Frank's voice had dropped to something barely more than a whisper, compared to the almost shouting he had shown himself able to do at the start of the verse, and Gerard heard Frank let out a choked sob. He quickly tapped in the code and pushed the door open, smiling gently at the smaller boy who looked up at Gerard like a deer in the headlights, his face stained with tears and the worn acoustic splashed with droplets of the salty liquid.

"Oh, Gerard, Hi, um, I was- I just- this isn't-" Frank stuttered.

"It's okay Frankie, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." Gerard soothed, his eyes flickering down to the guitar in Frank's lap.

"Oh, no, it's okay - I was about to put it away but you can hear a song... if you want to of course..." Frank said shyly.

Gerard beamed at the smaller boy.

"Of course, I'd love to!"

"Okay... I'm not that good though..."

"I think I'll be the judge of that." Gerard smiled.

Frank nodded, looking down at the guitar for a second before plucking the strings.

"If I face my fear
Would my skies be all but clear?
Probably not, then again
I've always held my doubts so close to my heart
That these frames trapped all my better days
There they stay frozen and unscathed.

"Though I've traveled far
I've been back to the start,
And I found some scars in places I have never shown to anyone,
I don't know why it took so long to get back home

" "If you could hear the dreams I've had, my dear..."
Yeah I know, you've heard that line before
But if I had the chance to scream all the things I've underlined
Yeah you'd find I'm a thief
But my taste is so refined

"And I traveled far, I reached for the stars
But those stars don't reach back
They're better left alone
Everyone will tell you
I never felt more alone than when I fell
I don't know why it took so long to get back home

"All these miles just to get back home,
Travelled all these miles just to get back home.
Travelled all these miles just to get back home."

Frank's voice dropped back to a whisper, it had been nervous and unsure at the start, strong in the middle as he picked up confidence, then falling to a quieter tone as he finished the song, his gaze never leaving his guitar as he looked at it with such a great compassion.

"I- wow, that was just... wow-" Gerard breathed.

"It wasn't that good" Frank mumbled.

"Yes it was! You have such a unique voice Frank, someone would be crazy if they didn't want to sign you."

Frank was silent, he obviously didn't agree with Gerard, but kept quiet knowing that Gerard wouldn't let him degrade his talents, not out loud at least.

"Frank look at me."

The smaller boy looked up at Gerard through his lashes, resisting the urge to look away.

"You're my best fuckin' friend yeah? I wouldn't lie to you, if I thought that you weren't talented, I'd tell you, but you are, okay?" Gerard said, his concern for how quickly Frank put himself down was borderline worrying, especially since he had been in the same situation for his art in high school.

"Frank, you know I wasn't always so confident about my art-" Gerard started, hoping sharing his own experiences would benefit the smaller boy, who looked up at him with confusion laced across his features.

"When I started high school I was so embarrassed of what I enjoyed doing, all the other boys in my year liked playing football and rugby, but nope I liked drawing, and because of that they teased me and made fun of the drawings I did, and there was too many of them saying the same things for me not to believe them, so it just became ingrained in my mind that what I did was trash, that I'd never get anywhere with it, and truth be told it was only when I met my current friends - you too - that I started building confidence in myself, in what I am able to do, Hell, I know I have talent, sure anyone can hold a pencil, but not everyone can draw a realistic portrait of someone, same with you, Frank, anyone can hold a guitar, strum the strings and sing their favourite song, but it doesn't mean that they're going to be any good at it-"

Gerard was cut off when Frank tackled him onto his bed.

"I love you so much dude." Frank mumbled against Gerard's chest. The taller boy's hands fell softly against Frank's back, rubbing up and down as Frank squeezed his torso tightly.

"Love you too, Frankie."

"It's not just that I love you Gee, it's that I feel like I've got a connection with you, you're all I could ever ask for in a friend, you understand how I feel, why I feel the way I feel, you don't let me fall if you can, and I know you hate drugs but you still help me even when I'm on them and help me stop, Hell you even dressed me when I didn't want to do anything because of drugs, I don't know why you stick around with me, you make me feel better about myself and what I enjoy doing, something no one has ever done for me before, and I couldn't thank you enough for that, not even with all the thank yous in the world." Frank sobbed out against Gerard's chest, he had never opened up to anyone quite like that, and it had taken far too much out of him mentally and physically.

"Hey, shh, shh, it's okay, you don't need to cry." Gerard tried to soothe awkwardly, he was never good with crying people and only really knew to give hugs to comfort them, but since he was already cuddling with Frank, he didn't know what to do.

"It's happy tears-" Frank mumbled, tightening his grip on Gerard briefly then relaxing again.

"Oh, okay, good." Gerard whispered into Frank's head, smiling a little at Frank's confession.

Maybe he did mean more than he thought to the smaller boy.