Hell and Back

Chapter Fourteen

It's been awhile since I've woken up next to a man after a wild night. Except this time is a lot more different because I wasn't tipsy when it happened and, well, it's Damien beside me. He sleeps like a child. His arms are secured tightly around my stomach while his head rests on my breasts and he snores quietly with his mouth open. Whenever I scoot away he clings onto me tighter. I don't know why I'm awake so early. I woke up with intrusive thoughts about Ida, Lily, Jacob, and my family. The only person I seem to have left is Damien. When I think about it, I feel my heart sink into my stomach. It's such a bittersweet feeling. No matter how hard I try, it's impossible for me to stay mad at him. I can't even hate him. Even after what he did to Lily. I still haven't completely come to terms with it.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. "Come in!" I lift the blankets up higher to cover myself to my neck while Damien remains asleep underneath them.

"Alpha?" Flynn looks confused. "He's sleeping," I state. "What is it?"

"It's a matter I must discuss with him. Do you know where he is, Luna?"

My frown deepens, "you are at liberty to discuss it with me."

"I-" Flynn turns red.

"What?" Damien grumbles sleepily as he lifts up the blanket. "Why the hell are you in here?" He growls angrily and moves over so that I can't see Flynn.

"I told her to come in, Damien," I state.

"What is it?"

"There's been another suicide. It's caused a bit of uneasiness in the pack and I know you'll be leaving in a few short hours, but I think you should address it, sir."

"Another one?" He yawns. "Who is it this time?"

"Ida Yvez." My heart stops. It's Jacob's mom.

"Why the hell would you say that?" The anger in Damien's voice is evident. "Get out!" He shouts. I can hear the door shut and Damien mutters something about how they're useless. I can't bring myself to say anything because I'm still in shock. Ida killed herself after talking to me.

"Lena," Damien softly says as he massages my arm. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes but I manage to hold them back.

"She said 2nd suicide, but there's only been 1 death this week. The only other one.." I trail off. Lily.

I stare at Damien in horror. "Lena, I wish you didn't have to find out this way," he admits.

"What do you mean? I thought you—you... I don't understand what's going on."

"I didn't kill Lily. She killed herself." My heart is starting to speed up and I close my eyes to process everything. "I wouldn't hurt her. I couldn't. If I wanted her gone I wouldn't have gone through so much to protect her."

"Why would you tell me that you..." I trail off. I can no longer hold back my tears. They're streaming down my face and Damien holds me.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles as he cradles me. "I'm so sorry, Lena."

"Why?" I sob. I slap his arm and try to push him away from me. "Why are you lying to me? Why are you keeping everything from me!" I scream. He looks upset as I move to the opposite end of the bed. "Why are you doing this, Damien? Why are you becoming a monster?" When I say that, his eyes darken and he narrows his eyes. There's a short pause between us, then Damien's eyes become even darker making me feel uneasy.

He finally says, "Alena, I'm sorry I lied to you, I am. You can resent me if you want. That's fine. I know it was wrong to lie about my sister's death, but I had no choice. I can tell everything about me is bothering you and you blame yourself." I want to tell him it's not true but I'd only be lying to both of us. "I knew you'd blame yourself for her death too, and I don't want you to put that on yourself because you don't deserve it." His eyes soften. "You've never deserved anything I've done to hurt you in the past and you don't deserve any of this now, but if you blame anyone for it, blame me, Lena." He furrows his eyebrows and I can see the worry in his eyes.