Hell and Back

Chapter Twenty Five

Waking up, I feel a dark pit in my heart. I can't explain this feeling or where it's coming from, but it's enveloping my soul and making me feel dark. "Damien?" I grumble in the dark. I didn't see him the previous night, so I'm not surprised to see an empty space in the bed next to me. I take a deep breath and look at the time. It's 3:33am. "Great." I groan and force myself out of bed. I walk into the bathroom and at first glance of myself in the mirror, I regret it instantly. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell I'm not in the right headspace right now. The dark bags under my eyes accentuate my stress and make my eyes appear hollowed out.

I use the toilet and refresh myself at the bathroom sink. It's been awhile since I've taken time out for myself. Once I look approachable in the mirror, I decide to go exploring. The castle is dead silent at this hour, so I'll probably get lucky being able to really explore.

Leaving the room, I'm welcomed by complete darkness. There's enough light peering through the window for me to navigate myself. Leaving the hall, I'm grateful to see the next room lit up by torches perched on the wall. The candlelit castle looks like a completely different place at night. Glancing around, I'm not even sure where to go. Damien is MIA and I don't have too many friends around here. I've been doing a lot of deep contemplation on my current circumstances.

Truth be told, Damien is a ticking time bomb. I don't know when he's going to explode. He ultimately could overpower everything and everyone including m if he really wanted to. The truth is, does he love me enough to stay true to himself. This is for the rest of my life we're talking about. Overwhelmingly enough, Stacey and that random Alpha are poisoning me with thoughts of the dark side to our connection. Am I just living in a fairytale?

"This whole thing is a fairytale." I grumble looking up and examining my option of doors. To my right is toward the front end and main entrance of the castle. To my left is toward the back end where I haven't explored much. I go with the left door since I haven't really gone yet and the first room is a small commemorative room for the past royals. Each honored by their own portrait and tag. I examine each picture closely, feeling nostalgic at all of the strangers perched on the wall. One of them that catches my eye the most is a woman with a beehive-like hairstyle wearing a royal blue dress with a mole on her right breast. She exudes strength by her icy brown gaze. I place a hand over my chest. It's time for me to start figuring out the truth. I feel like the only way for me to do that is to consider both ends of what's going on. See everything for what it really is, weigh my options, and discern for myself.

"Hello?" A small voice asks in the darkness. Turning around, I see Stacey lurking in the dark. Her hair is barely lit by the candles and I feel my chest tighten. "Your Highness." She bows when she recognizes me.

"We need to talk." I say. I walk over to the end of the room and sit down on one of the seats facing the window outside. I gaze at the moon out the window, hoping to find some sort of answer outside of me. Maybe the Moon Goddess can help me out.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Stacey walks over and takes the seat next to me. "This whole thing is a game, Alena. It's politics. It's power and control."

I shut my eyes. "What if I told you Damien doesn't care about the power."

She scoffs, "bullshit. All his life he's craved power. He's been pack hopping all his life. The Kingdom is where the real forces come into play. And he has that. With you." She weighs in.

"Why are you even telling me this?" I question. I feel my chest tighten even more and there's a pause in the darkness. Stacey collects herself.

"The only way to end it all is through you. Help us, Alena. It's for the greater good for us all. You have to kill Damien."

———

There are certain times in my life where I reminisce on the innocence of being a child. It's hard to understand as a kid when our parents tell us not to worry about something. "You'll understand when you grow up." They say. And truthfully, we should not care. The best part about being a child is the playful innocence that comes along with being a careless creature. I miss that carelessness. When my biggest worry was whether I'd have nuggets or pizza for dinner. Today, I face the dire option of murdering Damien. As Stacey explained the previous night, she wants me to stab Damien once the packs leave. It will be a sign of the end of his reign. A tragedy.

My heart despises the idea. I want to believe Damien is who he says he is to me. After all, I truly do love him. I'd give him my all if I said I do to him. Not just because of the mate bond, everything we've been through, or even all of our memories; Damien is the only person who makes me feel safe. I feel vulnerable with him and he accepts me no matter what.

To kill Damien. The thought brings a chill down my spine. I've never considered losing Damien until this point. What would life be like without him? Particularly, my life. According to Stacey, I'll be a hero to the werewolf kingdom. But to myself, I'd be a monster.

"You're the only one that can do this." Her words echo in my mind. Such a big responsibility for such a small, insignificant human. I move my feet around in the water, days by the water as much as I can before the winter really hits. Damien and I have created so many memories around the castle already. Being in the garden reminds me of the letter he wrote as soon as we landed. Being in the water reminds me of our little swimming date. I sigh deeply. I'm in love with Damien. One of my biggest fears would be to admit that because it feels like my own surrender. But truthfully, loving Damien doesn't mean I have to b with him or even marry him. I don't know why he's always captured a part of my heart no one else can replicate. The thought of ending all of my own happiness and love kills m inside. Damien himself warned me of the consequences of this role. I'm not only responsible for myself, but thousands of people.

I wish there was a way out. A way I could disappear and have everything just be normal. But if I were to run, Damien would find me, and even if he didn't, all he'll is going to break loose until he does. If I were to kill Damien, the Kingdom would rejoice. Which brings up the question if anyone in this Godforsaken kingdom is loyal at all.

"Now what?" I gaze at my reflection in the water. "Is this a test or something? I don't know what I'm doing. How did I end up here?" I angrily swipe at the water, only to see my reflection form back once the waves settle. "What is this?" I'm hoping for something. Anything. The shadow, even. What is any of this doing for me?

I sigh deeply, considering my options. Truthfully, if I kill Damien, I'd probably end up killing myself too. A real tragedy. I don't know if I can live with myself knowing I killed another person, let alone the love of my life. Stacey tried to rationalize my fears with Damien's past.

"He's a monster." She says. "He's hurt everyone he comes into contact with, including you." I wanted to tell her how wrong she was. How everything is a lie, but is it? Damien is self-interested and cold at times. But he is showing me change.

Stacey says the decision must be made by tonight. The packs leave in the morning and she doesn't want it to interfered with them getting back home. Everything will be planned. Tomorrow night she wants to execute her plan. As for me, my only job is to be there and be prepared.

How can I prepare for this? How can I even decide? I shut my eyes and take 3 deep, mindful breaths. Flashes of Chase cross my mind, and the anger and revenge bubble deep inside of me. If Damien is acting out of his own interest, I can't say I'd be surprised. His reputation proves such. And if I'm nothing more to him than a weak spot he wants to keep concealed, he's got another thing coming.

And with that, I make my decision.