Behind Ruby Eyes (gxg) (Complete)

Chapter 19 - Struggles & Family

            I could hear my father yelling from the living room, and I grabbed a pillow covering my face. I was still shaken, but dad was just plain pissed. “He was within throwing distance of this fucking house.” I pushed up staring at my closed door. I wondered if he was really mad at the police, or the fact that he hadn’t been able to get in touch with mom. I frown hating the feel of tears rolling down my cheeks at the thought of her.

            I really wasn’t surprised by her really, but I did wish she was here right now. I looked over at the door as I heard the knob shaky and quickly wiped the tears away from my eyes. Jane cracked the door peeking in and smiled at seeing me sitting up. “I had a feeling that you weren’t asleep.” I rolled my eyes shaking my head.

            “The walls are thin in this house.” She laughed softly as she walked over taking a seat beside me.

            “I thought you would be more scared then this.” I looked away from her, and she must have seen something in my eyes before I did. “What?” She asked softly reaching out to force me to look back at her.

            “I wasn’t scared of him.” She looked taken aback by my words and a look of doubt wash over her eyes. “I was scared but,” I looked her in the eyes causing her to hold my stare. “What scared me was that y…you were there.” Her mouth parted slightly and I knew it was the choke that caused another tear to roll down my cheeks.

            I looked away taking a breath. “When I pushed up and saw him I wasn’t afraid of him, not like I was before you came into my life.” I pushed up pulling away from the hand she was just about to put on my shoulder, and a look of worry crossed her eyes. “Before I was afraid, but I knew how to handle that fear, but when I saw him and felt you so closed a new fear crawled over my skin.”

            She pushed up to her feet and crossed the room, but as she neared me I backed away holding my hands up. “I can’t think when I’m around you, and if I can’t think how can I keep you safe.”

            “Because I can think for the both of us, and besides, you were the one that got me into the basement. You kept me safe.” Her voice was forceful and I quickly turned away from her eyes.

            “I just reacted to the moment, that not the same as thinking. You don’t know what that man will do to you because of me. You can’t even imagine what he could do. I wasn’t even with him for long before I learned what hell was truly like.” I spit my dentures out of my mouth letting them hit the floor. “You can’t imagine what it feels like to have each of your teeth forcefully pulled from your mouth.”

            I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head revealing my upper body to her. Her eyes rose slightly at the cuts and burns that covered my chest and stomach. It was the tears that shined on her face that stopped my ranting and slowly the fear that had been growing faded from my mind. “I’m sorry.” I said with a broken voice bending down to grab my shirt.

            “You don’t think I am aware of what could happen to me.” The anger in her voice caused me to step back, never hearing anything like her voice before. “I know that there’s a chance that I could be with you when Frank catches up, but I won’t let that fear control my life.” She reached out grabbing my cheek forcefully causing me to jerk back, but her hands held tightly to my skin. “I love you Ashley, and I really think I want to spend my life with you, but what you got too understood is that what I am more afraid of is living without you.”

            “But how can I allow myself to put you in danger with him out there.” I said quietly looking down at the floor backing into the wall. “I never felt fear like this Jane,” I looked up feeling tears rolling down my cheeks again. “It squeezes so heavily on my heart.” I hadn’t seen the change in Jane eyes, but as I felt her hand on my cheeks again, I looked up to see her staring sadly into my eyes.