My self-harm story

The first cut

At grade 6 we were having school check ups and then it was my turn to get checked up , before that I had this normal friend that I joke around with sometimes , he told me that they will give me an injection that will hurt me a lot, in a joking way , and I told him that I bet they won't give me the injection . while I was talking to him , there was this guy was standing next to him and listening to our conversation and he was looking at me in an innocent way , inside of me I was like : " what's wrong with this boy , staring at me in a weird way " . And while I was talking to my friend the nurse called me to go and check up and I had to say goodbye.

and as the time went by , I went back to home , had a shower , ate my lunch , finish my homework . I had a free time I've got nothing to do , so I logged in to Facebook and started scrolling around . by then I saw in the suggested friends bar the boy who was standing next to my friend Facebook account , I was surprised like WOW! how did he got there , but I don't know what made me add him , and suddenly after a minutes ago he accepted . I started looking through his pictures , and I thought I felt in love with him , and I really did , not a simple love but a huge love that I would do anything to get him near to me .

The day after I started looking back to him and saying " this is my Prince Charming I'm gonna get you real soon " .

And as the time went on , I had a big crush on him and before I sleep I cry and wish he was next to me . I slept for waking up early the next day for school .

We went inside the class room and luckily the teacher was absent , me and my old best friend sat together and talked about those people that die by committing suicide and emo things . I started thinking about him and saying how I'm gonna show him that I really loved him , I thought of cutting my wrist , so I took the metal ruler and slowly scratching my wrist I felt like a cool air swinging inside my heart , it's a cure for taking off all this sadness and depression and the first cut was at the top of my wrist was the first letter of his name . I was looking at it and I was saying " it's the only way to cure pain , so I'll start doing it if I feel that way again ".