These Two Hearts (Raura)

6 | My Thoughts Exactly

"Do you think this sounds good?" I asked Rocky, strumming the chords I'd just put together on my guitar. "It sounds decent. It could use a little more variation." Rocky said, not looking up from his laptop. I rolled my eyes. "Okay, what gives?" I asked, setting the guitar down beside me. "Nothing, I'm just trying to focus." Rocky said, hitting a few keys on his keyboard. 

"Rocky, come on." I said, hitting his shoulder lightly. He finally looked up from his keyboard and glared at me. "You want to know my fucking problem? I don't know what you're doing right now, man, but please stop fucking around with Laura. You guys have a really complicated relationship and you should respect that she's trying to move on. I see it in your fucking eyes that you wish she wasn't, but she is and no matter how hard you try to deny it, it's happening. Don't meddle in her life, and don't threaten to either. You made your choice. Grow up and move the fuck on." Rocky spat. 

"How do you even know I'm meddling? Because I'm not. What the fuck?" I glared at him. "You said there would 'probably' be problems if Laura continues to date Ben. She told Rydel, who told me, and now I'm telling you to grow the fuck up." Rocky said, turning back to his laptop. 

I feel like I was just slapped in the face. Rocky is usually the person to keep me in check, but he's never talked to me like this before. 

"I'm not upset she's moving on." I tried to defend myself before Rocky rolled his eyes and cut me off. "Can you not realize how you're acting? First of all, you break up with her for really no reason. You say that you weren't ready to get married but you were. It was obvious how much you loved her. Second, you go out of your way to make moving on for her impossible. Your face is everywhere because of that damn TV show and this band, and then when she finally does start dating again, you literally pop up and try to threaten her happiness. Do you realize how fucked up all of that is?" Rocky said seriously. 

I processed what he said and felt a frown fall over my face. 

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly." Rocky said, when he saw the look on my face. I felt guilt rise in me, and I immediately wished I could take back how I'd been acting towards Laura. It was best to just let her go. 

But I couldn't.

"Rocky, is it weird to like, still want Laura around but not be with her but at the same time have her not date anyone because it makes you mad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Dude, did you just hear yourself? Think about what you just said." Rocky eyed me, waiting for my reaction. 

I shrugged. "Man, I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I just want to shake her from my life but the minute I'm not around her I need to know what she's doing and if she's okay." I confessed, feeling some weight fall off my shoulders. 

Rocky laughed at my comment. "I'll tell you what's wrong with you." He stated, causing me to raise my eyebrows in a questioning manner. 

"You still love her." Rocky said and I blinked a few times before shaking my head. "No. Not anymore. I used to. Not anymore." I said, and picked up my guitar and began to strum it again. 

"Whatever you say, Ross." Rocky said sarcastically before pressing play on a recorded guitar riff and playing around with the sound. 

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I looked at Rose from across the kitchen island, sighing at the position I'd put her in. I wasn't anywhere near ready to be in a relationship, and I wasn't doing anyone any favours by allowing them to think otherwise. 

"What's on your mind, Ross?" Rose asked, lifting her eyebrow at me. "I feel like I'm leading you on. I just wanted to reconnect, I wasn't really looking for anything serious right now." I said gently. Rose smiled warmly at me. "I know." She said gratefully. "What do you mean you know?" I asked, confused. "Ross, I didn't think you were going to ask me to be anything serious. I genuinely wanted to see you and catch up. I'm not looking for anything else. Don't be worried." Rose smirked, and I felt embarrassed. 

"You're a really cool girl. Even way back when we were dating, I always thought you were such a chill person. Thanks for not being crazy." I said, nudging her in the side. "We're friends, Shor. Always." She nudged me back before sipping her cup of coffee. 

"So, you're hating on Laura these days? I can never keep track of you two." Rose snickered and I rolled my eyes at her. "I'm not trying to hate on her. I'm just trying to let us both move on. We need to accept that whatever we had was in the past." I explained to Rose. "Really? The past? Your feelings for her are constantly written all over your face. Ross, don't be dumb." Rose said, and I looked at her with a shocked expression. 

"Don't act surprised. Answer me this, if you have no feelings for Laura, then why does it bother you so much to see her moving on with Ben?" Rose asked. I shrugged. "It doesn't." I said. I didn't even believe myself. "Ross, be real for a second. It does bother you and don't bother denying it to me or yourself any longer. Just face it, you still feel something for her." Rose said. 

"Does it even matter?" I asked, exasperated, throwing my arms into the air. It's not like anything is going to happen ever again. It's over. For good." I said, sighing. "Ross, the first step in figuring this giant mess out is admitting to yourself that you want to try. Do you want to try?" Rose asked, putting her hand over mine. 

"I don't know yet." I sighed, feeling confusion overwhelm me. 

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As I looked through the snack items on the shelf at Target, I felt complete uncertainty fill my mind and heart. I was completely unsure of what I wanted or where I wanted to go and it was killing me inside. So, I figured it was a good opportunity to take a drive and get some junk food. 

I had a full day in studio tomorrow so I just wanted to unwind and relax tonight. 

I should have known that there was no way things could be that easy, because as I turned to go into the next aisle, I ran my cart into none other than Laura Marano. 

And she looked very upset. 

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hey!

this update came a bit quicker bc I have an announcement:

I WILL NOT BE UPDATING UNTIL AFTER APRIL 13TH AS I AM NOW BEGINNING TO WRITE MY FINAL EXAMS FOR UNIVERSITY. 

this is a very stressful time and it requires a tremendous amount of focus and determination, so all of my energy will need to go into that for the next couple weeks.

so, enjoy this chapter & i'll see you all when my exam schedule calms down a bit! if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask! I love you all, thank you for the support day in and day out! 

see u later on.

all my love,

haileexoxo