Blood and Roses

3

March 28th, 2010

Dear Diary,

I told him. I had to. He was really mad. He hit me harder than he ever has. He was drunk. He told me was happy when he was sober. He was so different when he was drunk, it was scary. Sober him is happy tho. He told me, he was gonna quit all the bad shit he was doing. He held me in his arms. He hasn't done that in so long. I miss the old him. The him I fell in love with. I need that side of him right now. I'm scared to be a mom. He thinks we should get married. 

-Ashlyn 

April 5th, 2010

Dear Diary,

He stopped hitting me and stopped drinking. Life is pretty good right now. I'm actually happy. I knew if I stayed he could change. He just needed something to open up his eyes. I missed this side of him. He's back to treating me right and our baby.

-Ashlyn :)

April 18th, 2010

Dear Diary,

Everything was great for so long. I guess everything that is good has to come to an end. He started drinking again. He didn't tell me. He came home one day, extremely mad. He hasn't been that mad in a long time. He started screaming and yelling. I hid in the closet in our room. He was throwing stuff and breaking stuff. I was so scared for me and my baby. I didn't leave that closet until morning. He was sleeping on the couch when I came out. Our living room was destroyed and so was our kitchen. He drinks every night again. I always hide. 

- Ashlyn

April 20th, 2010

Dear Diary, 

I'm laying in bed completely broken. I hate him. Why would he do this to me? He killed my baby. The only thing good in my life. He came home drunk as always. I was in the kitchen making food. He was kissing on me and trying to get to have sex. I kept saying no. The more I said no the more he got mad. I finally got fed up and walked away. He pushed me on the floor and beat me until I was unconscious.  I woke up and something didn't feel right. I went into the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding a lot down there. I sat down on the toilet and tried to figure out what was wrong. I noticed there was a large thing in the toilet. Can you guess what it was? My fucking child. My pride and joy. In a toilet. I can't fucking believe him. I can't do this shit anymore. I need out. He broke me for the last time. I feel so fucking broken. He killed my baby. 

-Ashlyn