Blood and Roses

4

April 30th, 2010

Dear Diary, 

He found my journal. He was so mad. He thought I was trying to cry for help. Who else does he think reads this? I'm alone. I have no friends. No family anymore. He took every good thing in my life away from me. I'm held captive in my own home. I don't know what to do anymore. I think about what would have happened if my baby was still alive. The life I could have given them. I wouldn't have let them have the life I have. He hits harder now and he laughs when he does it. He doesn't even care anymore. He doesn't even apologize when he's sober. He doesn't love me and I don't think I love him either

-Ashlyn 

May 3rd, 2010

Dear diary, 

I'm so miserable. I want out of this relationship. I'm tired of always being scared. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I think he broke some of my ribs but I'll never know cause I can't leave my own house. He uses me as a slave. He makes me do everything for him. Even tho he can do himself. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave. I can't do anything. I'm hopeless and lost. 

-Ashlyn

May 8th, 2010

Dear hopeless diary, 

I tried to escape. I tried to get away from this miserable life that I'm trapped in. I'm now locked in my bedroom with nothing. He said that I'm a fool for trying to leave. All I have is my journal now. He beat me harder than ever before. He was so mad. I was so close to being free. I'm going insane. I can't live in this room. I need out of this room and this life. I'm so stupid for thinking I could leave. I should just kill myself. 

-Ashlyn

May 12th, 2010

Dear diary, 

He keeps threatening to kill me. He never brought up death around. Should I be scared? Maybe dying is my best option. He still won't let me out of the room. I'm going insane. He won't even give me food. I only have bath/sink water to drink. I'm so hungry and lonely. He hasn't been hitting me as much because he locked me in a room. I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep. 

-Ash

May 14th, 2010 

Dear Diary, 

He said he was gonna take me somewhere. Maybe he'll kill me. Maybe I can run when he's not looking. I'm gonna bring my journal cause it feels like my only real friend. I haven't eaten in so long. I'm going crazy.

-A