Blood and Roses

2

March 9th, 2010

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in so long. A lot has happened. Everything was going great with him. He was sweet and nice. He was everything I had ever wanted. On Valentine's day, he came home drunk. (I didn't even know he drank). He came home so mad so I tried to calm him down. He just got more mad. He ended up hitting me. I was so shocked and scared. I never thought he would hit me. I didn't think I could ever look at him the same. The next day I was ready to leave. He kept apologizing and he was crying. I knew he didn't mean it so I stayed. He bought flowers and stuff to make it better. I just pretended it didn't happen. Everything was fine until today. My birthday. He got so many gifts. He was incredibly sweet all day. He had a surprise party for me. He invited all my friends. It was so sweet of him. He ruined my birthday. He slept with my friend. Upstairs, when I was downstairs. I found them tho. I don't know what to do. I love him and I don't wanna lose him. He keeps saying sorry. I'm confused and broken right now. 

-Ashlyn :(

March 12th, 2010

Dear Diary, 

He's not even the man I fell in love with. He's different now. He's mean and he hits me. He treats me like shit. It doesn't even feel like he loves me. I'm so confused. What did I do wrong? I love him so much tho. Nothings changed. I can't leave him. I need him. He'll change eventually. I know he will. He's just not okay right now. He won't let me help tho. It's usually when he's drunk. When he's sober, he's usually apologizing and he treats me great. He usually drinks at night so I usually leave but recently he won't let me. I don't know what to do. 

-Ashlyn:(

March 15th, 2010

Dear Diary, 

I can't even leave the house or post pictures. I have to many bruises. They'll know that he hits me. I don't want anyone to know because he loves me. He doesn't do it on purpose. He loves me I know he does. Its my fault I make him mad. My body hurts all the time tho. I'm like his own personal slave but, I love him so i'll do anything. He hits so hard tho. I don't know how much I can take. 

-Ashlyn

March 20th, 2010 

Dear Diary, 

He raped me. He fucking raped me. Does he love me? I don't know what to do anymore. He hits me and rapes me. How much can I take? I'm a mess. I can't. I can't. I can't. I want out of this mess. I can't do it anymore but I love him so I won't leave. He needs me. I know he does. 

-Ashlyn

March 23rd, 2010

Dear Fucking Diary,

I'm pregnant. He got me pregnant. I'm only 19. I'm not ready to be a parent and neither is he. He hits me more and more. It hurts so fucking bad. How am I gonna tell him I'm pregnant. Do you think he'll stop hitting me and drinking? I can't even go to a doctor. I don't know what to do. I'm lost, broken, sad, and alone. I can't be a mom. My child doesn't deserve the life I have. Scared and alone. 

-Ashlyn