Five Stages of Grief

Bargaining

I remember my 21st birthday. We were fourth year college then, we were so busy at school. We both decided to celebrate it at my apartment. He said that he would cook for me and it will be just the two of us and it will be romantic. Of course I agreed. I would've agreed to anything as long as he will be there. We had a class that day and it was around 7pm when we got home.

When I opened the door everybody was there, my mom and dad, my little brother, his parents and siblings, our close friends. My family lives on the province that's why I'm renting my own apartment. Mom told me they couldn't come because they're so busy with our business back home. I was so surprised and happy that they came. I missed them so much.

I thanked him for giving me the best gift ever. He said that it's nothing, he'll do anything to make me happy. That was the moment I knew that he is the one for me. He is the love of my life, or should I say he was the love of my life.

I still can't believe that he's gone. Is there something that I can do to have him back?

God, I'm begging you, please give him back. I promise I'll do anything to have him back. I'll love him more if that's even possible. I'll give him whatever he wants. Just give him back. Please. Give him back.

God, please wake me up in this nightmare. I promise to be more religious, and to never skip church, and to follow your wills. I promise to be more kind and helpful, to be devoted to you. I promise I will do all of that, just bring him back.

Or maybe you can take me instead of him? I'm sure he can survive without me. He's the strong one. Me, I'm the weak one, I know he's so worried now cause he know that I can't live through this.

Or you could just also take me, so we can be together in the afterlife, if there's such. Just please, don't let me live alone.

Oh God, why do you have to take the strong one and leave the weak one behind?!