Life I Guess

Lost in a moment of smoke

I breathe  in the bitter smoke that burns as it fills my lungs. Every exhale I feel the familiar buzz, but it never seems to be enough to drown out the the pain. It's  never enough to quite the voices screaming the words that you said to me that night. I try to push away the pain I feel flowing  through my body but it's not quite pain. It is numbness mixed with rage, regret, sorrow, and agony. I've never understood, till now, how people get so hurt and wrapped up in relationships that when it ends they feel like their world is falling apart. Seeing you with another person drains what little energy I have left. Knowing you promised to be my friend but won't even try to make an effort proves how much you really cared. Every exhale of smoke I feel your kiss on my lips, but it's not quite right. It burns as I get to the bud of my cigarette; a pain that reminds me that I am still me even though I despise myself. Im not important to you anymore. That hit me like a hammer to fragile glass; that I am no longer ment to be apart of your life. That you keep the memories but forget who I am now. Nothing but a memory. I put my hand over my lighters fire to feel the heat curious as to how close I can get before I may burn. Wondering if the pain feels worse from the flame than what goes on in my mind. " I love you ", three words I'll never hear you say again, two eyes I will never gaze apon again, one moment that will never return.