Precious Things || Jensoo

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Getting to Monday is like hell.

My grandfather does not linger over such things. Once he's dealt with a problem, he considers it dealt with and moves on. He's quite pleasant to me all of Sunday; at least, he acts like he normally does to me: not nicer, not angry, just... normal.

I, on the other hand, can't forget quite as easily. Partly because every single move I make causes me agonizing pain, and partly because, no matter how hard I try, when he pulls out the lash, a little bit of me hates him.

I know he's old-fashioned, and I know he feels like he's doing the right thing by me. I also know that my mother was punished in the same way, as was my grandfather himself. I know all of this and yet I can't help but hate him for it. I can't help but want to ask other people if it happens to them because I don't think it does.

But, I can't.

I can't talk to anyone about this.

For starters, they just wouldn't understand him.

He's not a cruel man. Just a very, very old one.

The pain will fade in a few days, and the bruises will go by the end of the week. The agony will be over soon. I just have to hold onto that thought as I move through the days. Breathing hurts. Coughing hurts like hell. What's worse is that on Sunday we spend a few hours laying out the garden for winter and raking up leaves.

We have quite a large garden and there are tons of leaves on the ground. Dust and pollen kicked up by the raking makes me sneeze and cough. Sneezing and coughing causes pain like nothing on this earth.

Even though it's a little better on Monday, I'm still moving gingerly. I can't wait to get to school. Not because I'll have to suck it all down and move like a normal person, but because it means I can get away from him.

I know we're back to being 'normal'. But just looking at my grandfather makes me want to cry. It will get better. By the time the bruises have faded, these feelings will have faded too. I know this because it happens every time. This isn't a common occurrence. As the years have gone on, it's gotten even less frequent. I'm much better at knowing where the boundaries are and not overstepping them.

This is the first time in a year-and-a-half.

The only problem is, I can almost anticipate it getting worse.

Because of Jennie.

She's... she's been treating me like a friend over the last two days. If not a friend, a friendly acquaintance at the very least. I like it. I want it to continue. But that, I'm aware, will require me to get more involved as time goes on.

And that is where the problem will lie.

I'm aware of this as I enter school. My grandfather has left me at the gate and I can breathe a little easier. Not literally – breathing is still hard – but at least figuratively.

I'm twiddling my thumbs in English when Jennie comes in. She's early, for her, although she's one of the last of the class to wander in. She's there before Krystal, and before the teacher.

"Hey, Chu," she says cheerfully as she passes.

"Hey Jennie." I smile. It makes me so happy that she acknowledges my existence.

"Did..."

"Sit down please, Miss Kim," my English teacher says solemnly as he puts his brown satchel down on the desk. "Now."

Jennie gives me a roll of her eyes and mouths 'later' at me. I nod. Krystal, who by this time has sauntered in, wearing a skirt so short it may as well not be there, looks at Jennie with a 'what the fuck?' facial expression and then shoots me a dirty look.