hanté

2.7

i don't know how i ended up in ciel's bed but the soft comforter and pillowcases felt so good that i didn't care. i couldn't sleep so i stared at the clouded sky, the moonlight barely seeping through the clouds.

"it's starting," sebastian says. "grell is going to take care of him and hannah."

"good," ciel says. "now leave us."

the candlelight glow leaves and it becomes dark.

"you won't choke me again, right?" ciel says. i don't say anything and close my eyes, trying to sleep. how futile. "i... "

ciel is talking but i've tuned him out. i'm staring at the floor and watching the shadows of the trees move from the wind. i'm turned around by my cousin and he's talking to me. he stops talking and stares at me but his lips are barely moving.

"y/n," i hear him say. "we will be together."

i blink harshly. it was like weight added to my chest. what does he mean together?

"i came to you when you were so hurt and vulnerable and during this time, i thought i hated you for taking up space here and not acting like a phantomhive," he says. "but i knew it was because you mesmerized me so much and i was afraid."

why is he saying this? after what just happened? what is he trying to say?

"you look so much like... her and your mother it was too much for me," his eyes show sadness and something else. "but it's what i need and want so much, i need you and i know lizzie is supposed to be my wife but i know it's you."

my chest feels so heavy i think my ribs might break. my face visibly chances to disgust.

"stop" i whisper. my voice feels a little rough but still loud enough to hear. he looks at me, a bit surprised from probably hearing me talk.

"it's okay, alois is gone now" he says.

"we... are cousins" i simply say. it's sick that he would think about that. me? his wife? goodness no.

"and?"

i sit up with him and scoot away, disgusted and surprised. my feet touch the ground and ciel takes notice.

"i'm sorry," he says. "i'm not my usual self, please disregard what i said and let's sleep."

"i'm sleeping with mey-rin" i say. i quickly get out of bed and go out the room with no light, leaving my cousin alone in his room.

-

for two weeks, i've slept with mey-rin and talked the boys into bringing a mattress and set it in my bedroom. they didn't think i was ready but i persuaded them enough.

"miss l/n," mey-rin begins. "are you sure you're okay?"

"yeah i am" i say. we watch them set the mattress up and sebastian comes.

"i see the boys are at work" he chuckles.

"don't tell ciel" i say.

"i'd like to see his reaction" he whispers. i smile and go to watch them set it up.

after thirty minutes, it is set and they leave the room. i close the door and and sit on my bed. i hear rapid footsteps coming and the door opens. ciel looks around and then at me. he looks mad. he glares at me before leaving and slamming the door.

what's wrong with him?

-

dinner was very silent. nobody talked and we just ate. why was he mad at me getting the bed? because i wouldn't sleep with him?

the words of that night come back. ciel keeps looking at me. i finish my plate quickly and hand it to mey-rin.

"goodnight, everyone" i say. i leave the room quickly and go up the stairs to my room. i close the door and lock it. his stare was so creepy and uncomfortable. why was he staring at me and acting so weird? is it because i got my bedroom back and i won't sleep with him anymore?

maybe i'm overreacting. ciel is serious and professional, he wouldn't get so worked up over such a small thing, it's not like him.

"not everything revolves around me" i say loudly. it might just be the alois situation that has me overthinking things but he isn't here anymore so i can be fine now right?