Horns // Billie Eilish

Twelve

Billie

It's been 4 days since Maia caught me and Alexis together at the party, and I haven't talked to either of them since.

I've sent dozens of texts and left multiple voicemails to Maia but she hasn't responded to any of them, and I feel like I'm going out of my damn mind. I'm a bit of a hypocrite though, because I'm doing the same thing to Alexis.

She's tried to call me multiple times and I've lost count of how many times she's texted me, but I've ignored all of them. Trust me, I know that isn't fair. I know I'm being a dick. But right now my main priority is fixing things with Maia, and I think in order to fix things with her I need to cut Alexis off, as hard as it is.

It's really fucking hard.

Clearly my tactic of spamming Maia with texts and calls isn't working, and today I actually have time to go over to her house, so that's exactly what I'm doing.

I ring the bell and her mom answers the door, smiling wide when she sees me.

"Billie!" she says happily and gives me a quick hug. "I didn't know you were coming over."

"Neither does Maia," I admit and she laughs, clearly not knowing that Maia currently hates my guts. "She in her room?"

She nods and steps aside to let me in. I thank her then head straight up to Maia's room, pausing in front of her door to collect myself for a moment before I knock.

"Come in!" she calls out and I walk in. She looks up from her homework and her eyes narrow slightly when she sees me. "Never mind, leave."

"Can we please just talk?" I plead and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm busy."

"Maia, come on. Please," I beg and give her a desperate look, noticing the way her glare softens slightly. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh you're sorry? That changes everything " she grumbles and looks down at her textbook again. "I have to do my calc homework."

"No you don't, you don't have calc until Friday," I point out and I see a slight smile tug at her lips, probably unintentionally.

"I forgot I gave you my schedule," she mumbles and looks at me again, suddenly looking more defeated than angry. "I just don't get why you'd do what you did."

I sigh and sit down on the edge of the bed, closer to where she's sitting. "There isn't an excuse, I'm not gonna try to defend what I did," I start and look down at my lap. "I just...it started off as me being drunk and dumb."

"When did it start?"

"That kickback at your house. When we went outside to smoke. She was just...I don't know. You know how compelling she can be," I say and see her nod slightly in agreement. 

I don't mean to blame it all on Alexis. Yeah, she's compelling, but I fell for it easily. And happily fell for it.

"Two months behind my back though? I just don't get it," Maia mumbles and sighs sadly. "The last few days I've kinda realized I was never actually that into Alexis beyond having fun hooking up with her. But, like, what hurts so much is that you put some casual sex with a random girl over our friendship."

I can hear the hurt in her voice and it makes me feel even worse, my stomach twisting with guilt. For the past 7 years Maia has been nothing but good to me, and I really hurt her. But she's wrong about something, it wasn't casual sex with a random girl. I felt a genuine connection to Alexis that I just couldn't ignore, no matter how hard I tried.

"That's the thing, it wasn't just casual sex with some girl," I start and she looks up at me.

"What do you mean?" she asks and her eyebrows bunch together in confusion.