Wake Me

Chapter Three

Dani poured herself another capful of hot chocolate after grabbing a chocolate chip cookie from her backpack. She dunked it a few times before savoring the sweet morsels of cookie full of chocolatey warmth. After she finished her cookie and hot chocolate, she wiped the cap before replacing it on the thermos.

"So, I guess that's when it started. That piece of me that Jules broke, kept creeping back into my mind. Rubbing me the wrong way, making me think maybe I was different. I kept recalling all the times Jules would talk about these "butterflies" that would tickle her stomach, like they were trapped inside of her, fluttering around, trying to find their escape with each guy she crushed on. That day in the library when Lars gave me my book, we were maybe two feet apart; close enough that I could smell him. He looked me square in the eyes as I did into his. Nothing. Not a blip. Not a flip. Not a ping in my chest. Flatline.

"My thoughts were bothered, borderline depressed, I would say. I considered Jules was right; I was heartless." But each time Dani would try to accept her friend's diagnosis, she would see him in her dreams. Not just any 'him'; Gunner. Just the thought of his name would send chills down her entire body. It had been a very long time since she laid her eyes on him in real life. But, she had thought about him everyday for the last four years that he's been away at college. And when she would try to push him out of her conscious mind; her heart's response would make her subconscious take over. She would dream of him tirelessly until she couldn't fight it any longer.

She sighed, "I had realized that I was lonely, mom. Yes, I love dad and my brothers when they're around. But, I wanted to crush on someone like Jules. I wanted to gush and blush like other girls about dreamy guys who say and do everything so—manly." Even though she was already crushing hard, she could never say anything to anyone about her fondest—borderline obsessive—feelings for Gunner.

Not even to her dead mother.

"So, I tried focusing on what I could do to feel something—anything for someone like Lars. I began wondering what he thought of me, if he thought of me at all. In all honesty, I did sound like a crazy Christian that day in the library, toting my judgment cross upon my back. I stopped wondering if he thought about me at that point. Instead, I'd close my eyes, and try to remember what he smelled like or his tan chiseled face with full, pouty lips, like a spoiled child who heard 'no' for the first time. His amazing straight, bright white teeth, that must've cost a fortune. Or, his broad chest and beefy biceps, which looked strangled by his tight T-shirt.

"Man, it was really difficult to force myself to daydream about him. I eventually got to the point where I could mentally replace his face with magazine photo's of hot, sexy guys." That was pretty fun, until she saw a photo of an Army ad—a soldier in his fatigue pants, wearing a tight tan T-shirt with dog tags hanging around his muscular neck. She could've sworn she was looking at Gunner's body. So, that exercise ended fairly quick, but only after she tore that page out of her dad's hunting magazine for safe keeping. "But, even then, I really struggled."

Dani rested her head against her mother's headstone. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift away about Gunner. His messy black hair, his amazingly muscular body that he earned by hard work, not lifting weights. His tan arms and face in a fresh, white T-shirt and his model like smile—picture perfect that's slightly canted down on the left side. His long, black eyelashes that frame his amber-gold eyes. Each speck of brown flakes that eventually converge into a circle around his irises. The evening shadow on his face, that hides the dust and grime from a hard days work. His laugh—his ridiculous laugh that would always make her smile.

"What was I saying?" Her eyes flashed open, thinking she heard something. "Oh, I hadn't noticed that day in the library, but Lars knew my name. I mean, I obviously knew his because of Jules. But, he just blurted out my name as though he had said it a million times before that day. And then, he grinned. Like he was proud of himself for finally talking to me. Or maybe he was happy because he was doing a good deed. I just remember looking into his gray eyes, that appeared tearless from just breaking up with Marcia. His eyes seemed like they could've been enchanting—bewitching, if I had been any other girl.