Wake Me

Chapter Five

Dani had gotten up and was pacing around her mother's grave. She felt antsy and the more she revealed the events of the summer, her anxiety grew. She silently stood while a young family made their way through the headstones, looking for their kindred dead. She smiled as they past, but they didn't even look at her. She thought that was odd, watching them over her shoulder. They crested the hill to the other side before Dani made her way back to her blanket.

Reluctantly, Dani convinced herself that her mother had already witnessed it, so she might as well get it off of her chest. She eased herself back to the ground, covering up her legs once again.

She cleared her throat, feeling the need to open up more about Gunner. "Do you remember when I told you about Gunner on my thirteenth birthday? I'm sure you remember him having sleepovers and stuff with Pete before-well, you know. Anyway, I know him to be overly confident-not cocky and he's not afraid of anything or anyone. Most of the time, he'd scare me by not caring if he got hurt during a stupid dare. Of course, it didn't help with Daryl egging him, calling him chicken and stuff. And as I recall, he always had his eyes on me. It's like he had some spider senses that would get triggered if I ever got myself in a pickle.

"Remember the time I told you when I turned eight, the four wheeler had run out of gas, so I was walking back to the house from the reservoir. Behind a large boulder that I was passing, a huge rattle snake took a strike at me. Out of no where, Gunner came blazing up on his horse, Midnight, and grabbed me before it could strike again. He was strong back then, really strong. Though he wasn't nearly as tall as my brothers, his body was nothing but muscles ever since I could remember." Dani grinned, remembering how tightly he held onto her in front of him in the saddle on the way back home.

"Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is Gunner promised me, on the dock before he left for college, that he was going to work hard and make me proud. He told me that he would always look out for me and that I'd always be in his thoughts and dreams. I just figured he was assuming his role as another big brother." She paused, feeling her heart banging against her chest. "But that's when-when he leaned over and softly kissed my cheek. It was the first time he'd ever kissed me. And as I stared across the reservoir, he just lingered next to my face; feeling his breath on my cheek. I still recall the scent of day-old aftershave mixed with dirt and sweat.

"When I finally looked at him, his eyes were closed. So without another thought-I kissed him on the lips." She finally said it aloud. Four years she's held that secret to the point it almost seemed sacred. She feared if she ever told anyone, it would get him in trouble-he legally was an adult and she was a mere child.

"I'll never forget the look in his eyes after I kissed him. Emotions of fear, shock, wonder-maybe worse-shone through his eyes as they danced over my face, my lips and back up to my eyes. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me back, but his eyes got all glazed over like he was looking through me. I was about to kiss him again, but he jumped up and stammered out an awkward goodbye."

Dani's heart pained having finally admitted her mistake. To this day, she's relived that moment over and over, having different emotions each time. Embarrassment, excitement, rage, betrayal, longing for him-missing him to the point where she felt she couldn't breathe. Though over the years, she'd tried convincing herself that her kiss wasn't the reason he stayed away.

Guilty...selfish...slutty twelve-year-old kissing her eighteen-year-old brother-like family friend. Frankly, she'd probably would've stayed away if their roles were reversed.

"What was I thinking, kissing him like that?"...

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