Wake Me

Postlude

Dear Diary-

This journal that I'm writing in, was given to me by my psychologist. She feels expressing my deepest concerns and thoughts of my past trauma will help my mind heal. I've watched the wounds on my body heal, leaving pink scars as reminders of that day. Now, I must pretend my mind is healing by writing down my thoughts.

Ridiculous!

Dear Diary-

A few weeks have past since I've awaken from my coma. I have struggled to gain my strength, but mostly I have feared Lars would return to hurt me or my family again. Gunner has reassured me several times, both in my reality and unreality, that Lars's work is finished here. He couldn't say for certain, but with what I recalled of how Lars looked the day he captured me, his possessor had corrupted his transport, and would've found a new body as his armor.

That thought has given me zero comfort.

But, as much as I want to believe Gunner, I remain traumatized; a victim. My mind keeps replaying that day over and over, trying to resolve something I can't remember or I've chosen to repress. I know Gunner is tired of talking about it, but who saved Jules from hanging? Her body was already weakened by the ordeal when I'd found her, so someone cut her down in order to save her. Gunner doesn't have an answer or he doesn't want to give me an answer.

And that bugs the crap out of me!

Dear Diary-

What I'd been told by Gunner, my dad and Sheriff J.R. is they pinged my dad's cell phone when they realized I was missing and the last location was in the shack before Lars crushed it with his blow to my hand. Once they arrived, they found Jules passed out on the floor of the shack, but I remained missing.

Jules was catatonic when she woke up in the hospital. The police weren't able to get an immediate answer as to why my truck was parked nearby with the keys under the seat. But, my dad knew I wouldn't have driven out there for no reason. Then, they discovered that my dad's cell had received a phone call from Jules's phone and that's probably the reason I went up there.

Jules still wasn't any help as a few days dragged by, my location unknown. The bloodhounds were exhausted, unable to track my scent beyond the shack and the truck. Gunner kept telling the police to search down the mine shaft. After dark the third day, Gunner found me down in the shaft, carried me to his truck and brought me to the hospital.

I asked him why he waited for three days to go down the shaft to find me if he knew I was down there. The expression on his face told me that that was a huge mistake, waiting for three days. But, with sad-filled eyes, he admitted he was hunting down Lars. He'd tracked his scent to the shaft then he had left the shaft. And after three days, Lars's scent just seemed to evaporate.

For several days after Gunner rescued me, he was held as the prime suspect of kidnapping and attempted murder of both Jules and myself. It wasn't until Jules became responsive days later to inform the police that Gunner wasn't who captured and tortured us. He was then swiftly released, with their deepest apologies.

Jules went on to report that Lars had been our captive and attempted murderer. He had forced her to call me to come help save her. Then, once I was in his snare, she couldn't remember anything after feeling her weight hang by her neck. And now, Lars has remained on the run and has successfully eluded the police and Gunner ever since his mother was found hanging in the woods.

Dear Diary-

I'm not the same person that went to the shack. I am a shell of that person. Blips of memories of my previous life haunt me to the point that I find myself circling the day I nearly lost this former life. What memories Gunner had shared with me were good memories we had together. What he doesn't know, after he was banished to this world, was the life I was left to live without him.

And it's those memories I cannot stop.

I want to write them down, to express them from my pores, but fear that someone would find this journal and read them scares me worse than Lars. A secret is a deadly force, especially one that would monumentally hurt the one soul I have loved beyond moons and seasons.

And my secret, I fear, would change Gunner and not in a good way...

Dear Diary-

So, this is where I have recently found myself each day, avoiding Gunner. In my unreality, he waits for me, but I discretely go to other realms without a single word. He knows I'm lost. He knows I'm suffering. He knows that I know. But what he doesn't know, is killing me...

Dear Diary-

Gunner, poor Gunner; my mind reels with so much sorrow and pain for him. I'd caused this unique soul nothing but heartache and suffering. And yet, despite how tortured he has been, he's remained loyal and will continue to remain loyal until the very end. I suspect it's because of his divine nature; a wolfbeast...

Dear Diary-

As much as I long to remember all the memories of my preexistence with Gunner, I can't get past all the crap I'm dealing with in this life. It's the simple things like, "How are you today, Dani?" that get's my blood boiling. No one cared how I felt each day before my near death experience. Everyone is treading softly around me like I'm some fragile flower about to bend in the breeze.

Yes, I am ranting and it feels absolutely, freaking amazing!

Dear Diary-

I know, deep within the darkest crevasses of my soul, my love for Gunner is immense. His love for me, however, completely unmeasurable. He had withstood many mortal years of knowing who he was; who I was. Yet, with valor and respect, he stood aside, hoping I would live the life he felt I deserved.

For that, I love him even more.

And it is because of our eternal love for each other that my secret shall remain sealed...