Dear Diary,
Have you ever felt like the whole world is caving in on you and there's nothing you can do to stop it? That's how I feel everyday. I constantly feel like i'm suffocating and I hate it. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I can't handl...
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Dear Diary,
I tried starving myself once. I only lasted around a week before my mom caught on to what I was doing and basically shoved each meal down my throat. I had loved the empty feeling in my stomach, it gave me a sick sense of power to know that I was finally doing something about it. Looking back, I understand how sick I was and how wrong my actions were but back then it was my only option and I was willing to do anything. I think if my mom hadn't have stopped me, I would've starved myself to death. At least I would've been happy with myself, right?
The cafeteria was crowded today, lines and lines of people who would wait hours for a slice of the school's greasy pizza. I used to be one of those people until I started to bring in packed lunches that my mom would make for me on a morning. It made me feel a tiny bit better with myself, knowing that the food I was putting into myself was healthy and good for me.
But it just increased the intensity of the idea that there was something wrong with me and my body as the vegetables didn't seem to shift the weight that was ruining my life. No matter how hard I tried to change, it was as if the weight has settled at home and didn't want to go anywhere anytime soon.
Shocking me a little, Jungkook slid into the seat across from me and gave me a small smile in which I returned before putting another baby carrot into my mouth. No expression crossed my face as I didn't want to let him know that I was a little glad he was sat there.
He looked at my lunch and frowned a little before looking back up at me with a confused expression on his face. At first I thought he looked at my shirt, judging the way it was a little tight over my stomach.
"What's with the rabbit food?" He joked while eyeing up a piece of my cucumber. I just shrugged as held out the small container, offering him a piece of the vegetable in which he shyly took.
His spirit animal was definitely a rabbit.
"Why do you always sit alone?" He asked absentmindedly while looking behind me as if someone was just going to randomly appear and sit with us. This hit my heart a little as it only confirmed how lonely I was, not even one friend to sit with at lunch.
"I prefer to be alone and as you've probably noticed, not many people here like me." I said calmly after finishing my lunch and putting the container back into my bag.
"You must get lonely. Well not anymore, i'm going to sit with you." He announced with his shoulders set sternly, making him look even younger. I rolled my eyes and agreed so that he wouldn't say anymore. There was obviously a catch or something to this as no one would be this kind to someone that they've just met.
"So now that we're friends...can i walk you to your class?" He asked shyly, not daring to look me in the eye. There was something about him that was shy but confident at the same time, almost as if he were flustered when he was talking to me.
What a thought, what a thought.
"No." I said bluntly, just as the bell rang signalling that lunch was over. A wave of students began to leave the dining hall and go to their class, leaving only me and Jungkook who were right at the back.
I quickly got up and tried to walk away as fast as I could so that I could get away from Jungkook as fast as I could. I couldn't understand why he would want to waste his time with me. A grunt of annoyance left me mouth when he joined my by my side, leaning into my ear.
"Well that's too bad because i'm walking you anyway."
