Dear Diary,
Have you ever felt like the whole world is caving in on you and there's nothing you can do to stop it? That's how I feel everyday. I constantly feel like i'm suffocating and I hate it. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I can't handl...
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Dear Diary,
I feel better, writing down all of my feelings in this small book. It makes me feel like there's finally someone listening, even if no one is. I've been holding these feelings inside of me for so long and it's relieving to finally be able to let them go. Still, I'm as insecure as I was before but i'm coming to terms with the fact that maybe I just wasn't meant to fit in with these small town people. Maybe i'm meant for something bigger? Who knows? Do I sound convincing yet? I basically just said what anyone reading this stupid diary would want me to say. I'm drowning in my own self destructive thoughts and there's no one to save me, not even myself. I'm all alone, just as I always have been.
"Why are you avoiding me!" Jungkook exclaimed angrily before slamming his books down on the table in front of me, startling me and disturbing my writing time.
I quickly pulled my diary into my bag as fast as I could so he wouldn't see it and apologised to the librarian as she glared at us for being loud. As I was usually no problem to her, she often let me skip classes to sit and read.
"I'm not avoiding you." I said bluntly, pretending to be reading a text about how the human heart works. The complicated words jumbled up in my brain and the page began to look like a scrabble board due to how had I was trying to concentrate on it.
Jungkook rolled his eyes and sat in the seat next to me, grabbing my hand and trying to hold it in his own. I was momentarily caught off guard by how small my hand looked against his, my eyes staring at it in awe.
"You didn't sit with me and you haven't talked to me. You said we were friends." Jungkook hissed forlornly, looking down at our hands and playing with my sausage fingers. His long slender digits attempted to intertwine with mine but I tensed up, not allowing him to do as he wished.
I tried to pull my hand away from his but he calmly held it there, effortlessly stopping me from getting out of his clutches. Why was this guy so clingy? We literally only met yesterday.
"Friends doesn't make us joined at the hip Jungkook. Friends is a small smile while passing each other or eating lunch together once in a while. You're thinking too deeply into this" I snapped while making eye contact with him, attempting to make him feel uncomfortable so that he'd leave me be.
His dark eyes sheepishly looked into mine, a small blush creeping onto his ivory coloured cheeks. Shrugging shyly, Jungkook looked away like an innocent school girl that had come into contact with her crush. How sickeningly sweet.
"I-I just attach to people too quickly. I'm sorry jagiya." He said softly, now making eye contact with me as his thumb rubbed over my knuckles comfortingly.
Jagiya
That word attacked my chest and made it tighten as I looked up at him with shock. When did he start calling me that? I couldn't recall a time in which anyone had even said that word to me, the only reason it ever came up was in the romantic stories that I binged on.
"Is it okay if I call you jagiya?" He mumbled, still attempting to intertwine his fingers with mine. I was going to answer until I remembered yesterday's events. Jungkooks older brother would probably kill him if he found out that he was calling me jagiya, never mind holding hands in the library.
While Jungkook wasn't paying attention, I ripped my hand from his and stood up before quickly gathering my things. Yes, I probably looked insane as I kept running from him but I needed to it. This just couldn't happen between the two of us.
"Leave me alone Jungkook, it's for your own good!" I yelled as I ran out of the library, leaving a disappointed and crushed Jungkook sat in the library with tears threatening to fall from his beautiful eyes.
I had no idea what I was messing with and it was much worse than Jungkooks brother.
