i wanna end me. [ paused ]

seven

A few minutes ago, I saw a rather strangely young boy, punching my dad's face and then ordering me to grab the keys so we could get into my father's car and escape.The sky was submerged in a warm orange, although it was quite cloudy during the day.

However, the clouds seem to have fanned and let the blue orange sky appear.For some reason, I didn't have a bad conscience, I felt more free. Strangely enough, I always felt like that when I was with Desmond. There was no reason. His presence meant a lot to me and made me feel good. Although I still didn't know what had happened or what he had done.

And yes, I didn't care that he actually couldn't imagine a friendship with me. But a small part of him screamed for me and needed me. I wondered what I did with his feelings and how he felt when I was near him.But probably Desmond felt normal, because I was not as special as he was.

Everything about him was so special. His dark curly hair half hanging in his face. The way he spoke and dressed. His mysterious, fascinating personality. Or did only I think so?

Uncertain, I looked over at him. The hands of the dun-haired boy were pressed against the grip of the handlebar, tense and anxious. It would be quite unreasonable for me to ask what he did, so I did not. Instead, I looked at the radio, which was muted. "May I...?" I asked, mumbling. "Of course," he answered, focusing on the street. Reluctantly, I turned up the volume and bit my lower lip thoughtfully.

My feelings were mixed and confused. But I was not really scared. Desmond was with me after all, but should not that scare me ...? I thought too much.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked, because for almost an entire hour I was sitting tensely on my car seat. My gaze wandered to him. He pressed his lip to a thin line and took a deep breath: "I ... do not know, to be honest."

"That means ...", I mumbled. "... in the car," he replied in a low voice, "hotel would be too ... uncertain." "Why that?" I mumbled. "Riley, I'm wanted, the police is looking for me!", his voice grew louder and his hands tightened on the car driver.

"I'm sorry, I did not ... think of it," I answered and looked forward. For a brief moment it was quiet. You only heard the voice of Mac DeMarco singing "My kind of woman".

"I'm sorry, I should not have screamed," the dark-haired boy interrupted the silence. "Alright, I can understand you," I did not. "You do not," he whispered, turning into a driveway that led to a forest. Silently I sat tensely in my seat, I did not know what would happen in the next moment. After all, I still did not know what Desmond wanted to do with me.

Finally he parked somewhere in nowhere. It was a bit darker, so I could not really see anything. Uncertainly I looked around, then I looked to Desmond. His eyes were still looking forward, he looked scared. Just do not ask if he's okay, he's probably terrible, I thought.

Slowly, I averted my eyes and unbuckled myself. I rummaged my phone out of my pocket. 67% Akku.Blöder way, my battery was always pretty fast empty, which meant that 67% would not last too long. I put my phone back in my pocket and took a deep breath: "When will you tell me what you did?" "Give me time okay?", He bit his lower lip and looked at me.

"Anything you want," I tried to say as quietly as I could. The dark-haired boy leans back and sighs, "Thanks for being with me, Riley."

With a gentle smile on my lips, I replied, "Of course." "No, it's not," his eyes were serious, "You just came with me, you trust me, just like that." I shrugged slightly and looked at my hands. "Yes, that's right."

"Why?"

I looked up, "W-what?"

"Why, do you trust me?", he paused between each word.

Good question. "Maybe ...", I took a deep breath, "because I feel ... finally finding someone .." His eyes met mine. "who I understand, just like that."

He smiled slightly. His smile was beautiful, very much. Unfortunately, he rarely smiled, but he was fine when he did.

Silently he looked away and closed his eyes. My eyes rested on him a little longer, but then I turned my eyes away. I took off my shoes and lifted my knees to hug them. I would never find a proper sleeping position.

"Can you lean the seats backwards?", He still asked with closed eyes. "I think so", I replied, looking at him. "Okay", he turned around and after a while he got out how to lean the seat backwards.

After all, when we both basically "lay", it was quiet. But Desmond broke the silence.

"Light off?" He asked. "Yes, light off," I mumbled. His arm went up to the small light switch and switched it off.

Darkness enveloped me and the dark-haired boy. I hated the feeling of darkness. It made me feel so alone. Lonely, Depressed, Frustrated. I remember that even at the age of 14, I still had a night light in my room. A blue glowing star, which was attached to the socket near my door.

But Desmond was here. Now we were alone together. I think...

"Riley, I'm not a good person," he mumbled. His voice sounded sad and angry at the same time. "Why not?", My voice was low and sounded uncertain. "I put you in this situation," his head turned to me. For a moment he looked at me from top to bottom and studied my appearance. I said nothing because no sound came out of me.

"It's okay," I stammered. His eyes met mine: "Believe me, it is not."

this chapter is dedicated for everyone who's reading this <33

fiona <3