Never Again

Chapter 2 - Moving Forward

She observed a man and woman talking as they sat at the red light. The woman looked up at the man and he picked her up, twirled her around then he kissed her she looked at the ring on for finger. She was 25 and single and had never been in a serious relationship. "he must have proposed" she thought. The light turned green and they drove off. She remembered the guy at Amare e Vita Ristorante and his emerald green eyes. "He was very handsome and strong." She thought with a smile. "I wouldn't know what to do or how to be with a guy like that. He was definitely out of my league."   Just as her parents started to lose the reigns and she began to date, it all came to a halt. She never really got a chance to experience relationships and puppy love. Before her parents died, she decided that she was going to hold on to her virginity until the right guy came along. She wasn't sure if she still felt that way. But she definitely know that she was still a virgin by circumstance and not be choice. 

As she sat there, she remembered a time in her life during her sophomore year when she considered having sex. She's glad that she didn't but she wondered if sex would was the right distraction that she needed in her life right now. "Sex would probably make me feel better." It was a thought that she knew that she would never act on. Whenever a guy tried to flirt with her, she would just brush him off. She wasn't against  romance, she was just smothered in sorrow that diminished any thought of romantic love despite how much she craved it deep within. Her current emotional state seemed to overshadow her romantic interest. When she was alone she wanted it, but when opportunities presented themselves, she avoided them.

As she looked out the window of the cab, the silence grabbed her and pulled her deeper into a hopelessness that increased with each passing second. Her mind was racing from one thought to the next. She sighed wondering when and if she would ever be happy again. Suddenly it her like a ton of bricks, today, her parents would have celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. They had been married 26 years when her mother passed. She let out a long sigh of despair. Now she understood why everyone was calling her. Without resisting, she allowed her mind to take her on a trip down memory lane.

She closed her eyes and remembered the times when she would go over to Carisa's house to give her parent's privacy on their anniversary. She loved it, it was the only time they allowed her to sleep over on school nights. Their families were close so it was just like being at home but having a sister. She remembered how much she enjoyed it even though Monica and Steve had the same rules as her parents. Bianka and Carisa were close back then. "hmmm" she said with a sigh. As they grew older, they grew apart hanging out once in a while. Carrisa was into boys and Bianka was into the books. They were close but just not as close as the use to be or as her and Annika.

"I miss my parents so much, I don't know how I'm going make it without them" she said to herself.

She was not concerned about making it financially, she was concerned about making it mentally and emotionally through birthdays, holidays, her wedding day and birthing her first child. She missed her parent's terribly. She replayed the day that she learned about their accident. It all happened so fast. She was at Stanford finishing up her junior year and having the time of her life. She was going to spend the summer with her friends in New York and she was excited about the new guy that she was dating...he seemed to be a really nice guy at the time. Everything was perfect. She remembered how she had just finished her final when the dean came and got her out of class. Steve was standing in the office flushed. She really didn't have time to process what was happening before he grabbed her and apologized. All she heard was

"honey I am so sorry...I'm so sorry, your mom didn't make it."

Why he was the one there telling her hadn't crossed her mind at the time. But thinking about it now, she wondered why it wasn't Monica. Hearing that her parents had been in an accident and that her mom didn't make it, felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. At the same time hearing that her dad was in a coma forced the vigor and vitality out of her. No words could explain how she felt at that time. Her heart was racing as she sat in the cab immersed in that moment.