i've lost any motivation to do anything or talk to anyone. i just have the same fucking routine: wake up late, slowly get ready, go to school, hardly pay attention, come home, go to my room and only leave to eat. lately, i just blink and an hour has gone by. i'm just hoping if i blink enough, it'll be over. i only feel a few emotions anymore: depression, anxiety and numbness (but only if i'm lucky.)
it's hard to see a point anymore and i think about ending my life a lot. it'd be easier on everyone. my dad wouldn't have to pay as much child support, my mum wouldn't have to remind me about how useless and "lazy" i am, my sister would have her own room that she doesn't have to compromise, and my brother wouldn't have to move around all the time. my friends dont really care, i'm just someone they can confide in if no one else is available. my friends have literally told me that i'm not funny and i'm a killjoy. i just dont have the energy to deal with people but i dont want to be alone. i miss light meaningless conversation. i miss authenticity. i miss being happy.
