crushes suck. he's so perfect and i'm so horrible, god if he knew all the horrible things i've done he'd probably hate me. hell, my own father couldn't even bring himself to like me. i think he knows i like him. but we've started to stop talking as often and he's made so many new amazing kind friends and i'm just a disappointment he can't get rid of. he's the only person i've ever been able to actually see myself in a relationship in, but i'm too pessimistic to believe in anything good working out for me. in the past two generations on both sides of my family, marriages failed. my grandad was emotionally abused by my grandmum his whole marriage. my papa was put in prison for 27 years for asking for roads to the hospitals during the war/dictation of Gaddafi in Lybia, my mum was just 3 years old and they fled to england, my papa was in such an awful state that he married to another woman. my uncle's wife was a druggie, my aunt struggles with commitment and is single, my parent got divorced. not the best track record of love, dont you think? so what's really the likelyness of anything i do working out? besides. he deserves a lot better than someone as awful as myself. he's so perfect and i'm so horrible. crushes suck.
