Born to Die

Chapter One

Hi! Thank you, whoever is reading this, and I just want to let you all know that this is the first time for me to write a story, so please go easy on me haha. And this is completely fiction. It's also copy right hehe. Okay, so here it is. :)

I look up at the sky, squinting against the bright sunlight, watching clouds creep past stealthily. Just as the clouds give way to a clear, endless ocean of blue, the fogging thoughts in my mind fade away and I relax, letting illusion of hope for change in the future slither its way into my mind, like an eel of insidious intent, poisoning my well-earned feelings of defeat. I look away from the blinding light, at the ground, reminding myself of the inevitable final futility of our endeavour, that is death.

All hope is relinquished. My worries come flooding back into my mind, and with them my undying wish for the merciful hand of death to put an end to my misery caused by substantially unfortunate circumstances. That is exactly what I came here to escape; death. It is everywhere around us. We sleep and wake with it. It is in the air we breathe. In the chair of the child taken too soon. In the tub of the girl with the slit wrists. On the patio with the weeping widowed woman. Death is everywhere. Except for here. Here is pure; unblemished by blood or stained by death, however here is also the place that life was given to death. Here is the graveyard.

Lifting my hand to sheild my eyes from the relentlessly blazing sun, I look back at the sky, thinking of the irony of the laws of physics that states 'for every action there is an equal opposite reaction.' So, just as we descend into the earth I stand on, we will someday ascend to the skies I stare at. I think about how many people die compared to those born, how many tears are shed for every smile, how many drops of rain must fall for one single rainbow, how many screams for a laugh, how many nightmares for a dream... I think of these things, willing myself to cry, however the tears never come. I have to cry as to not allow him the satisfaction of seeing me cry later, but the sky won't allow it. It just seems so... hopeful, promising of my only ambition left in life, the only thing that had not yet been stolen from me; death. It is my friend that I welcome and my foe that refuses to claim me. It is my saviour that never comes through. My tourniquet that always fails me. I know this, so I disregard the false notion of hope and start my journey back down Cemetary Hill, back to the life that haunts my dreams, to the man that is the instrument of my gradual deterioration and endless suffering.

When I get home, I am interogated about my absence. Where were you? Who were you with? How long were you gone for? Why didn't you ask before you left? And the list goes on... I answer the questions as calmly as possible, not out of respect or love for the man who 'raised me' but out of fear for what violent memories his wrathe bequeathed, with plenty more to be made, I'm sure. It's not until he asks what I think an appropriate punishment for my disobedience is that I snap. All the anger and hatred that I held at the bay for all these years rises to the surface, a tiny spark finally bursting into an all-consuming, uncontrolable inferno. And that is exactly what I was in this moment, uncontrolable.

Once the streams of words and phrases that I had constructed in my mind long ago but never brought to my lips out of fear began, they would not stop. "Punishment? Punishement! You want to punish me for going out with permission? What am I, five? News flash, I am nineteen! Normal nineteen year olds do not even live with their parents anymore, let alone seek their permission for anything, especially not going out! As moving out is obviously not a luxury I can afford, given that you prevented me from seeking a real education, thus drastically limiting my opportunities in life, I at least deserve to be treated like a normal adult! Because despite all your efforts to prevent it, that's what I am- NORMAL! So if you are asking what an appropriate punishment will be, which I know you've already decided will be a few fractured ribs, a dislocated wrist, a black eye and a bloody nose, I say death! Just kill me and put us both out of our misery, because in full honesty we both know that's all my existance is to either one of us. So just end it, end me!" He of course tried cutting me off several times, as was his nature, a habit that was unforgivingly punished in anybody but himself, but I would not cave in; not this time.

I looked up at him in defiance of his strict no eye contact rules, and noticed that the darkness of his eyes seemed to deepen and any sign of the remainder of a soul trapped behind them was now replaced with unmistakae malice. Never before had his exterior looked so much like his insides; cold, heartless, and cruel. He was pure bred tryant, without an ounce of kindness in him. He raised his hand with his voice, his rage bubbling to the surface, yelling, "I raised you! You have no right!" His balled up fist came down, hard, hitting me on my jaw. Then again, this time knocking me to the ground. He kicked me multiple times, I just lay there, not giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging the pain he was afflicting. He knelt down, pulling my hair back and lifting my head back roughly, before smashing my face against the floor. He did this again, then resumed kicking me.

To distract myself from the pain, which was now becoming unbearable, I thought of all the pain he had previously caused me. All the pain that has passed. I remember the time he pushed me through a wall, then beat me for damaging it. The time my blood stained the white tiles and he made me stay up all night scrubbing at it, then beat me again in the morning for keeping him up all night. This man did not love me and there was no way I was going to let him push me around for any longer. I spat out a mouthful of blood, then choked out a barely audible moan, which was meant to be words.

The man that claimed to be my father, however I refused to acknowledge him with such a status due to his refusal to carry out the roles associated with it, stopped kicking.

"What?" he spat out.

I rolled onto my back so I could see his face when I said it.

"Real great job you did, raising me. You weren't doing anybody favours, especially not me."

He was taken aback by this. I saw my window of opportunity and took it. Summoning all the strength I had left, I pulled myself to my feet and lunged towards the back door. By some miracle I was then running, running for all I was worth. Running for my life, for I knew if he caught me, he would kill me then and there. I considered stopping, isn't that what I ultimately wanted? But no, I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he has that kind of power over me. So I ran, still dazed and sore from the beating, and even more confused about why he was not following me yet. I soon found out. Within a minute, I heard a car racing towards me. Looking back, I immediately recognized the Nash Rambler I suspected he bought to embarrase me and prevent me from asking to borrow the car.

I tried running faster, but my legs were about to give in. By god he was going to run me down, and go on living the rest of his days in absolute bliss. He came to a screeching halt, dangerously close- a few more inches ahead of me, reving the engine. Big mistake. The car was old, and the engine boiled over, easily, especially after a nice little reving and abrupt stopping or starting. I began running again as he slammed his fists down onto the steering wheel. Laughing, I looked back at him one last time before I turned into an alley way. That's when I heard it. The explosion.

Okay so that's it. That's chapter one. Really hope you liked it. Don't forget to vote and comment, doesn't have to be sugar coated, I'm a tough cookie :p Also just a heads up that this story is NOT about what it seems like it would be about. It has tonnes of plot twists and will hopefully only get better from here with all you beautiful people helping me out by commenting. So yeah if you liked this please continue reading till the end I really appreciate it :) stay awesome!