You're the only reason why I'm still alive || Bang Chan

Chapter 2 : The call

A Week Later

Today was the day they were announcing the winner of the contest so you felt pretty nervous. You were hoping to be the one chosen, but you never won in these kind of things so you didn't keep your expectations very high. They were going to call the winner tonight. Unfortunatly you were working which meant you wouldn't be there to catch the phone call if you were the winner, but fortunatly your mom was going to be there. You were still living with your mom, but you didn't see each other very much. She worked during the day and you mainly worked in the afternoon and evening which meant that when you finished work she was already sleeping and when she went to work you were still sleeping. You saw each other during the weekend but that was it. It was almost like living by yourself. You had told your mom about the contest and how they would call during the evening if you were the winner. She told you she would answer all the calls if there was any tonight.

Mom's POV

The phone rang and she answered.

"Hello! Is it possible to talk to Y/N?" The voice on the phone asked.

"She's currently at work but I can leave her a message."

"Oh okay. Well your daughter participated in a contest to meet Stray Kids and she's the winner. The boys were really touched by her letter and wanted to meet her. They'll be coming over to your house next weekend. Is that okay?"

"Yes that's perfect! She'll be really happy to hear that. Thank you so much!" Your mom answered.

They exchanged more information about the boys' arrival and then hung up.

She thought about it for a minute. What if she told you she didn't get any call at all to surprise you when the group comes? They would be coming early in the morning while you were still sleeping anyway. Their plane will get here friday afternoon which means they'll have time to fight jet lag and saturday would be the surprise day. The person on the phone said that Stray Kids would be there for about a week. Since you now had to take a week off because of the contest, your mom tried thinking of something plausible so your boss could let you have a week off. She thought about faking a family emergency that required going to your grandmother's house which was pretty far away from the city. That seemed like a good plan. You usually got home from work around 11pm. Your mom decided today she would wait for you to tell you all this and that you didn't win the contest. She smiled to herself thinking about how great the surprise is going to be.

Y/N POV

You were coming home from work and noticed the lights were still on in the house. You thought it was weird as your mom is usually sleeping at that time. You went inside and saw your mom sitting on the couch waiting for you with a sad face.

You already knew what that meant. You didn't win.

"Hello sweetie. Come here I have a few things to tell you." She said as she patted the empty space next to her on the couch.

You dropped your bag beside the door and went to sit.

"What is it?" You said trying to hide the dissapointement on your face.

"I got a phone call tonight but it wasn't for your contest. It was from your grandmother. You need to take a week off next week darling. We have to go there."

"Why? What happened? Is grandma okay?" You asked nervously

"She is fine but not her dog. Her dog is very sick and she needs help to take care of it." Your mom told you tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Alright, I'll ask my boss tomorrow. I'll tell him it's a family emergency.. Was that all..?"

"Yes sweetie that was all. I'll go to sleep now. You should do the same."

"I will mom. Sleep well." You kissed your mom goodnight and stood up to take a shower.

You turned on the shower and got in. You let the hot water fall on your face for a bit. Tears slowly started falling down. They were mixed with the water from the shower so I didn't look like you were crying. You knew you weren't going to win but you still had some hope that maybe they would notice you and choose you. They didn't. You couldn't help but cry. Nobody ever chose you. It's been like that your whole life. You should've gotten used to it by now but you didn't. It still hurt like hell but you tried to endure it. You took out razor blades you hid in the bathroom and started leaving cuts on your thighs and hips. Once you could only feel the burning sentation of your cuts you washed the blades and hid them again. You felt better. Cutting was your coping mechanism. That and alternating between starving and binge eating. You could go days without eating and then you would binge eating for like a whole two days. Then you ate normally and the cycle started again. The cuts stopped bleeding so you turned off the shower.

Your mom didn't know about your depression or suicidal thoughts. She didn't know you cut either. You've always been one to keep your feelings to yourself. Even from your mom. Knowing how you grew up without anyone to rely on, it wasn't really surprising.

You took out some bandages to put on your cuts in case they bleed again, put them on and got dressed. You didn't feel like eating so you went straight to bed.