Numb

A Huge Letdown

I sat in the tree, watching the sun begin to set over the roofs of the houses. Xavier, Ty, Dusty, and Gabriel were down in the creek, skipping rocks while Colten was in the tree, several feet lower than me. I stared at the darkening sky, emotion chilling my bones. Memories flooded into my head of me and Jackson and I couldn't push the thoughts away. Soon, I was brought back to earth at the sound, and sight, of a white gmc van. I sat up straight and my heart bursted at who got out of the truck. I refused to move, then, the dude walked toward the creek and I couldn't hold back any longer. I jumped from the tree and ran to him. "JACKSON!"
I squeezed him in a tight hug, almost knocking him over. Eventually my friends surrounded me and him. "I've missed you so much!" I squeaked. Jackson smiled brightly as I ran my fingers through his sleek, messy brown hair. "I've missed you too! I was hoping you would be here so we could watch the fireworks from the tree!" We hugged again then sat on a branch together, high in the tree. I helped my friends up and Xavier glared at me and Jackson the whole time. I didn't want him here,but he came anyway, just like the ignorant jerk he is. Soon enough, the sky darkened enough and we watched as fireworks lit up around us and listened to coyotes and dogs howl to the sound of explosions.
When the fireworks stoped, me and Jackson talked for what seemed like forever. "Uh... Jackson. Do you still love me?" My voice was dry and coarse. He looked at me, a bit startled by the question. I felt my heart crack a bit when he hesitated. "I... I don't know. It's just been too long." I frowned and sighed. "So how was it in Mexico?" He brightened up at the subject. "It was great! Very pretty! And I even got you something..." he said, Pulling out a small box from his pocket. He opened it up and it was a beautiful sapphire ring. The sapphire was surrounded by diamonds. "It's real. I got it for you." I smiled brightly and kissed him softly on the cheek and put it on. Xavier jumped out of the tree and stormed off.
Fortunately, Jackson was spending the night at Cash's and we were all aloud to sleep over there. The guys bombarded me with compliments and teasing remarks about Jackson. I laughed and shrugged it off. " Cash is having a huge sleepover. I'm going and so is Jackson. Anyone else in?" I asked around, admiring the ring. "Me and Dusty can go. Sounds like fun." said Colten. I nodded. "Bring swim trunks. They got a trampoline and sprinkler, along with night clothes." They nodded and we all went home. I brought and extra set of clothes, a tank top and camo sweats. I sat in the living room, making a pallet when Colten knocked on the door. Cash opened it and Jessica, Michael, Kenny, and Mrs Jessica went out in the garage and talked with my mom, Grayson, Cash, Jackson, and Colten helped set up the pallet and Xbox so we could play GTA.
Eventually, Dusty texted Colten saying he couldn't come. The boys were already in their swim stuff and we set the sprinkler under the trampoline and jumped around. I was of course too insecure to wear a suit but I was fine with getting my clothes wet. Eventually, when we got tired we went in the house, changed, ate dinner, then sat on the pallet, playing GTA. We decided to go outside and ride bikes and play hide and seek. Colten stuck around me the most and he was the first person I found. It was getting cold so we went back inside and watched scary movies. It was super cold and when Jackson and Colten noticed I was shivering, they nestled next to me, keeping me warm. We started to tell stories of the good days when we were all happy, innocent kids, chasing and tackling each other. I've never seen Colten so full of joy before until today. I felt something itch inside my chest that I ain't felt in a long, long time. Having Jackson back was the best thing in the world and I couldn't stand the thought of loosing him again.
   "Blue, we have a house 10 minutes away. We will come visit every Halloween, okay?" And at those words, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I nodded and Colten pulled me close to him but I shivered with sadness until finally falling asleep next to him.
    For the past 5 days I hadn't eaten nothing. I was as skinny as can be. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered now that Jackson was gone again.
   I was laying in bed feeling sorry for myself when Colten walked in, holding a tray of  food. Dusty followed behind him. "Blue? You okay? I ain't seen you in days and your–" "I'm fine" I growled. "I'm not hungry..." I didn't even look at them. They sat at the foot of my bed. "Blue, I know your not okay but please. Just talk to us! You know we don't wanna hurt you." I tensed at Colten's words. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone. Please." They sighed and left, leaving the tray of food on my nightstand. When they left I managed to eat a small roll that was on the plate and I wanted to throw up after but I kept it down. I reached for more food but scolded myself for being fat which most my friends say I'm skinny but I disagree. I stopped eating and rolled over, looking out my window as rain started to fall.
8 days I had eaten nothing. Colten came to my house with Dusty and Gabe and dragged me outta my bed. I slapped him pretty hard but took his scolding. "You can't sit here melting away feeling sorry for yourself," 'Yes I can' "Killing your self wont solve your problems!" 'Yes it will' "Your not a weakling! Your stronger than you think you are! Your the only thing keeping us alive when we get lost in the woods!" I looked up at him, my chest pounding with anger from being yelled at. "I AINT NOTHING SPECIAL. IM A FREAK. STOP SAYING LIES LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW IM A FAILURE TO EVERYONE AROUND ME! LET ME STARVE TO DEATH." My words came out of nowhere. I had gotten up at this point and pinned him against the wall ready to stab him with my knife. Sadness itched into my head and I backed away. The room was silent. "Colten I'm sorry! I didn't mean to pin you like that and pull a knife on you, I just snapped..." I expected to get slapped but instead he hugged me. "Come with me tonight please? You can stay with Jarid just stop being sad." I pulled away and sighed. "Alright, I'll go to Jarids..." We left the house with a bow I'm carving and they walked me to the window we jump through. There was a rope extension to get up so I slung my bow over my shoulder and climbed. I stumbled into his room and he looked down at me confused and in horror. "Your skinny as heck, Blue! I'll go get you some food." I didn't try and stop him, I was hungry but most of all tired and weak. I just crawled to a dark, cold corner of his room, hoping to starve to death and leave all the grief and hate behind forever. He came in with a pretty large plate of food and sat it infront of me, it was down in an instant. Some how, my stomach managed to keep it down but it hurt a lot and I just laid on the floor confining comfort in the hoodie Xavier got me. Eventually Jarid came over and picked me up and set me in bed, he called Colten a few times but he seemed not to care too much. I slept for what seemed like a second but turned out to be 12 hours. Jarid left me to sleep and went to school. I woke up forgetting where I was and in agonizing pain so I climbed out the window, said I was leaving, and went to the quarry. It was freezing even though the temperature was 69 degrees, I guess I caught a fever. The walk to the Quarry seemed like miles and miles of a ice desert and when I got there I collapsed against the rise. I thought to myself about everything that had happened to me in this life and I considered hanging myself, picturing my body hanging from a tree with a rope tied around my neck and my skin turning purple. I dismissed this idea pretty quickly though. I looked up to hear bikes coming down the dirt path and I saw Dusty and Gavin. I stood up, not expecting Gavin to be here, he was new to school, he always had a rough tongue but meant no harm. I walked up to him and glared at him before greeting with Dusty. "Why is Mr.Smartass here? Thought he lived in the other neighborhood." I growled. Dusty just rolled his eyes but Gavin was taken aback by the insult. "He wanted to come along and see what's up. I decided to bring him here. Why are you here?" I looked down at the question directed at me and kicked a rock. "Dunno... just my safe place I guess." I murmured. "You okay? Colten said he was pissed at you for some reason. No specific reason stated though." I shrugged it off. "Guess it was because I blew y'all off when y'all came. I don't even know why your here. I'm a burden to you and him." They had gotten off their bikes and were walking with me. Dusty looked up at me sadly. I could tell he knew I was sad, mostly by my pale eyes. "What makes you say that?" Interrupted Gavin. I glare at him. "Cuz I am! I'm a burden to everyone! You ever wonder why people talk behind my back all the time?" I asked. I could feel myself getting more depressed at each word. Gavin looked down and shut his trap. "Jackson." I looked up partly startled by his name. "You miss Jackson..." I glare at Dusty and for a moment, wanna fight him but I just let my gaze focus back on the rough dirt underfoot. "Yeah... It's like losing him all over again..." I sighed and I felt tears building but I fought them. "I'm scared I might kill myself over this. He was all I had and now he could be gone forever. I don't know if I can live without him." At this point we had reached the Back Pond but it had started raining so we went home. I went to Jarids house for the night and we shared the bed. It was good having someone to comfort in. I was given medicine for my worsening fever and now a head ache. I finally fell asleep.
         I looked around startled. I was on a pillar and Colten was back against a wall, with a knife to his throat thanks to Aiden. I ran to save him but I heard a familiar voice call my name and I whipped around to see Jackson dangling off a cliff. I felt torn on who to save when right before I made a choice, my vision vanished.