hamilton one shots

The pain after the calm

I'm feeling emo and sad right now so this is gonna be sad. Sorry. For reference when the story starts the italic bold is John's letter

Alex's pov
__________

People always talk about the calm after the storm. They never talk about the pain after the calm.

My dearest Alexander,
It's not you. It's me. It's my mind and thoughts.

They never talk about the fucking pain in loving people.

I can't keep running. They won't let me. The voices. They get louder Alex. They never stop.

Because you fall in love and then you fall out. Or maybe you don't fall out of love. Then your partner does. Or there's the pain.

I'm sorry. Tell Peggy we can binge housewives when she gets here. Tell Eliza that her art is amazing and that she will get that music career. Tell Angelica to never stop being a queen.

The pain of falling in love with someone who loves you then they leave. There gone. You feel the presence of them and want nothing more than to hold and love them.

Tell Lafayette that birds are not better than turtles and tell hercules that he needs to ask laf out soon because seriously.

The fact that you will never see them again. You loved them and they left you alone in the cruel realty that is living.

Alexander hamilton. Please don't morn. I love you and I think this is best for you. You don't need me. I needed you. But you don't need me. I couldn't go on anymore. But you can move on. I promise.

The thought of moving on is sicking. But apart of you relizes someday you will have to.

I understand when your old and happy you might not remember me. But if some how you do. Tell the retirement home of your highschool boyfriend.

You can't help but blame your self. That you wernt enough for them and that you weren't there for them or that you were a terrible lover.

I love you. Please don't forget that. It might be hard for a little while. But you will find someone.

It feels like you can't breath. Like every breathe hurts and is fire. It burns. Like it never gets better.

Alexander Hamilton.

John Laurens.

I love you.

I love you.

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Yeah that was sad and short I'm sorry it's 1:30 am and I have school in the morning. I was feeling sad so this is what you get.

~ A.Burr💕