The Secret We Share

Alexis

My cousins and I started the long walk back from the restaurant, as I began to tell them all I knew about Chloe.

Of course, all I really knew- besides silly and random facts -was that she had been shipped here by her parents for the summer following her coming out. I didn't feel it was my place to tell that particular detail to my cousins, so I bent the truth a little and left out the part about her coming out.

"So her parents just sent her here? For no real reason?" Ana asked, seeming pretty shocked.

I shrugged, "I guess so," I replied.

"Huh, well at least it'll be another person you know here! Me and Ana might be gone for a week next month for a short study program in Switzerland. So, maybe you can meet up with her again?" Camille said, giving me a spark of excitement.

"Yeah maybe! Maybe I'll see if she wants to hang out before then though? If we don't have plans this weekend I could text her." I said, my mind suddenly reeling at the possibility. Crazy how people can just walk into your life like that.

"Yeah maybe, anyways we better get back home, our parents aren't strict but they're probably wondering what's taking us so long to walk back," Ana said with a laugh, and we all agreed, quickening our pace.

Soon, we had reached their house again, though from the lack of light coming through the windows I guessed their family was asleep.

We opened the door quietly, me going upstairs to my room, and Ana and Camille walking quietly to their parents room to let them know we were home safe.

I quickly got ready for bed, and slipping under the soft covers, I imagined how it would be to see Chloe again, and replayed the evening in my head.

When I first left for Paris, I was obsessing over Kylie and the kiss, I didn't think I'd stop obsessing this whole summer. But, after meeting Chloe, I felt like there was a much calmer and easier summer ahead. My anxiety regarding Kylie has lessened considerably these past couple days, and I was beginning to question how I felt about her.

I had spent so long imagining what it would be like to kiss Kylie, to hold her hand, to call her mine. But maybe all I was doing was harboring a fantasy this whole time? Something so out of reach and out any realm of possibility. She never has, and never would, want me the way I've wanted her. The distance has given me clarity, or at least some semblance of it.

If I was being honest, she had probably only kissed me because of all the problems she had been having with Jordan. He wasn't always the perfect boyfriend, especially within the past few weeks, and she had likely just kissed me because I invited it, I welcomed her in and she felt comfortable around me.

I sighed, as much as it hurt to let go of the idea of me and Kylie happening- especially after that kiss which had momentarily fueled my imagination -I also felt that there was so much that I had missed because of how tightly I'd been holding on.

As for Chloe, there was just something about her that I could t get out of my mind. She was so easy to talk to and a calming presence from the moment we met. Of course, that calming presence didn't seem to reach my stomach, which was filled with butterflies around her. Was it possible that I was having an actual crush? I could t tell for sure yet, but in a way, it felt refreshing, new, and exciting, to think about someone who was in my reach, that had the capacity to maybe feel what I did.

So for now, I would just put my long held fantasy of Kylie aside, and really spend time getting to know myself and the feelings and experiences that lay in store for me here. Who knew what this summer would bring?

As thoughts continued to swirl in my head, they slowly became more and more foggy. My head sank into the pillow, and o sank deep into sleep.

*****