The Secret We Share

Kylie

My heart was aching. The obvious reason would be that I had just broken up with my boyfriend...but I knew that wasn't really why. My head was a mess of thoughts and emotions and I still couldn't sort them out.

Did I have feelings for Alexis? Why had I kissed her? It was hard to breathe just thinking about her being so far away, and I had a desperate urge to talk to her. Maybe I could call her? But an international call would probably cost her money. She'd told me she couldn't really talk while she was in Europe, because she didn't have a plan including overseas calls.

This sucked. Not only was I a mess, but I also started to think about Kylie and how she must feel. I mean, I kissed her. Out of nowhere. Maybe she was disgusted by it? But she loved Hayley kiyoko so obviously she wasn't homophobic. But I couldn't even begin to understand what she's going through. The kiss must have been a shock, and then she had to leave, and we couldn't even talk about it. What if I'd ruined our friendship.

I smashed my face in my pillow and groaned.

Ugh. Why couldn't I just keep my lips to myself?

It was 4:30 am and I hadn't slept a wink. I knew I wouldn't be finding sleep for the rest of the night- or morning? -either, so instead I decided to take a walk. Maybe that would clear my head.

I decided to just on leave my shorts and T-shirt that I'd slept in, and walked as quietly as possible from my room.

I passed my parents room, the door open, and saw our dog, Finn, pop his head up. Hoping my parents wouldn't wake up, I gently patted my leg, and he responded by jumping off the bed and trotting towards me. After a quick stretch, Finn followed me downstairs to the kitchen.

I put a leash on Finn, and after writing out a quick note- to make sure my parents didn't panic upon finding me missing if they woke up -me and Finn went out in the still darkness.

It was still cool out, as the sun hadn't quite started to rise. So I enjoyed the quiet, for once feeling calm. As we walked, the sun began to peek out over the horizon. Huh, I'd never been out this early, honestly it was really amazing.

Finally, after about a fifteen minute walk, we reached one of my favorite spots. A grassy hill, strewn with wildflowers, looking over fields and trees. Me and Kylie always came here in the summer to relax and play with our dogs.

I stretched out the blanket I had decided to bring last minute over the grass, and sat down. Finn followed suit and rested his soft head on my knee. What did we do to deserve dogs? I laid back on the blanket and waited for the sun to rise.

I hadn't waited long before everything began to turn golden. The field and trees were starting to glow in the warm light, as the sun continued its path over the horizon line. This was the first sunrise I'd really taken in and appreciated. Usually, I was either sleeping or rushing to school during the early mornings.

I tried to just let my thoughts drift around in my head, not pushing anything down or ignoring thoughts. It was relaxing to not be trying to control my mind.

My thoughts went everywhere, from Jordan, to school, to the weather, to old memories, and most prevalent, Kylie. I just let my brain do the work and think about all the things that had been clouding my mind.

Soon enough, however, the sun was fully up, cars began to drive by on the distant road, and I could hear the faint sounds of early rising children starting to play. With a sigh, I sat up, knowing I should probably head home before parents started to worry. But more importantly, I didn't want to miss breakfast.

On the walk back, my steps felt lighter, and I felt refreshed- despite the overwhelming lack of sleep. With a cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes I'd be ready to face the day.