Drowning | ✔

4

I wake up in a comfortable, white bed, wrapped in the warmth of white sheets and blankets, my head resting on a cloud-like pillow. Blinking, I slowly sit up and look around. Pristine, white walls, metal carts and tools surrounding my bed, a row of flowers filling the window sill. 

Hospital. 

Words come to me in short rasps, one after the other, yet none of them form a coherent sentence. 

Lost.

Poor.

Building.

Stranger.

What?

"Hey, hun."

Furrowing my brow, I look to my right to see Holly sitting in a large recliner, her hand resting on top of mine. I hadn't even noticed her touching me. 

"What happened?" 

Holly purses her lips. "You don't remember?"

I look straight ahead, trying to remember, but I come up empty. Little fragments of yesterday blur through my mind, but none of them fit together.  "I..." 

Holly lets out a sob as she rubs her thumb gently across the top of my hand. "Oh, hun, you were gone for so long. I didn't know where you were. I went out looking for you, had a few other friends help me, and, well, we found you a few neighbourhoods away and..."

"And I was raped," I say in a monotone voice, the words falling from my mouth. 

I feel empty, like whatever I had within me before died. I'm not feeling sad or angry or confused or anxious or depressed. I feel like I'm just... here. Just sitting here. Empty. Void. 

Holly cries next to me, rubbing my hand and arm. "But we found you and the doctors are going to help. We're going to send you to talk with someone so you can get over what happened and..."

"I feel empty."

Holly looks at me sadly, her eyes filling with tears. "I know, hun, I know."

Did she though? 

Probably not.

Who really understands anyone completely and what they feel at any moment? 

Holly soon leaves but not before she hugs me tightly and reassures me—although it feels like she's reassuring herself more—that everything will be okay and that she'll be back tomorrow. I nod, but that's it. I can tell I've changed. It's quite obvious in the way I act, but I don't know how to act any different. I feel like somethings missing within me. 

I lie in the bed for the rest of the day, staring up at the ceiling blankly. Soon, the memories from yesterday come back to me, but I don't acknowledge them; I throw them to the back of my mind, under a stash of other unwanted memories. 

What if I left and just restarted my life somewhere else? Would I find someone who would truly care and help me? Would I find that something I'm missing? Or would I just be the same person I am now? 

A doctor enters the room with a clipboard in his hand. "Hello. How are you feeling?"

I shrug, not in the mood to talk. As if I do much of that anyway. Maybe I should just become mute. 

"I see. Well, one of our best will start talking with you soon about the unfortunate event that happened to you. Is that okay?"

I nod. 

"Alright, well, I suppose that's all I have for now. If you need anything, just hit the call button above your bed, okay?"

Another nod.