The Colours We Give | On hold

| 13 |

arashi

YESTERDAY, TASSEL CHOSE SADNESS. I couldn't choose anything, that's why I asked her that question in the first place. But now when I think of it, it barely matters. Because I have absolutely no idea how to regulate my emotions right now.

Ever since I came back from Oba-san and Oji-san's house, specifically the garage, thoughts of Mom have been troubling me more than often. I've been getting dreams, flashbacks rather, of all the times my temper had burst on her. Which unfortunately, was a lot.

"You're friends with Tassel, right?" Nash asks as we seat ourselves in class. 

"If you know it, why are you asking?" I question, unsure where he's getting at.

"Ah, it's just that you're friends with Tassel and Tassel's friends with Kim and Kim's the one I've liked for years," Nash blurts out. I laugh at his gradually reddening ears, but admire his blatant confidence at the same time.

"You want me to set you up with her?" I ask. It's obvious now.

"Something like that," he says, not meeting my gaze. 

I laugh. "You can just eat lunch with us then. Kim eats with me and Tassel most of the time."

"Thanks," he says, looking at his desk.

Suddenly, a thought comes to my mind. "Why don't you eat with us anyway?"

"You never asked," he says, as if he asks permission before taking my pen in every class we're in together. 

I'm a bit taken aback. "No, but, you can just join. I mean, it's plain eating. And we hang out otherwise too."

"I hang out with a lot of people," he counters.

"Why don't you eat with them then? I know you don't eat in the canteen always, but when you do, you always eat alone," I point out for him.

He nods. "No one asks me to. And I kinda feel awkward butting in."

His answer throws me off. "But you always butt into conversations between almost everyone in the hallway."

"Yeah," he agrees. "Butting in once a day is enough. Twice makes it annoying."

You're weird, I'm about to tell. But I don't. All the while, he stares at his desk while speaking. I'm not able to comprehend his words completely, but I do know he's revealing something he's not normally open about. I'd rather not make him more uncomfortable while doing it. "Nash, you're close to Tassel too," I say instead. 

He finally looks at me. "That I am, at least." He smiles but then raises his eyebrows. "But how did you guys become so close?"

It's been a short while, but Tassel and I have become good friends. I shrug. "I'm not sure."

I don't think I contributed much to our friendship at the beginning. It was always her approaching me every time she saw me in the hallways. It was her coming out of her ongoing conversations just to bring me into them. Now that I think of it, she's quite similar to Nash. Other than Kim, I see her talking to a new person almost every single day. 

"I think it's because Tassel likes talking. I'm quiet, so she can talk a lot with me," I flimsily say.

Nash laughs. "Maybe. She's really cool."

I agree with him. 

He continues, "But she's hella annoying too. Before my sister graduated, she would always play along with her pranks. God, they even got me to believe that a girl had a huge crush on me once. I panicked so bad because I like Kim so I had to reject that girl's confession but then again I was desperate to date at that time so I didn't really want to lose someone who liked me and - "