The Colours We Give | On hold

| 8 |

tassel

I WAIT FOR KIM to put her books in the locker before I launch my question at her. She does it carefully as always, she's very particular about keeping her books neat and ordered. I'm like that too, but only in the case of books. In my room, you'd see soft toys, lego figures and My Little Pony figurines scattered everywhere, while the books sit comfortably in my large bookshelf.

Kim shuts her locker. I immediately prepare my question. It's been hovering in my head ever since Arashi spoke about his mother's death. "Do you think it's too early for a kid to move somewhere else because their father wanted to, right after two weeks of their mother's death?"

Kim stares. "Why are you asking this suddenly?"

I decide not to tell the exact reason. If Arashi wants her to know, he itself is going to tell her. And I'm not even a close friend of his; what would give me the right to talk about his mother's death to my close friend?

I look at Kim and shake my head. "It's just an anime plot."

"Oh, okay," she says. "Well yeah, I think it is a bit too fast. If it happened to me, I think I'd spend two weeks in the bathroom crying even after the death. I'm not even exaggerating."

In the bathroom, crying, she says. And Arashi was smiling yesterday as if nothing happened. Is it that easy to adjust to a new place after such an incident? Is he somehow happy his mother died?

No way, I say to myself and hit my head lightly. The way he spoke about his mother, it sounded nothing other than love. He sounded happy, but about her life, not her death.

But then again, is there a specific time limit for when you're supposed to move on?

"It must be a really interesting anime if you're talking to someone who's never watched a single anime in their entire life," Kim says, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Yeah," I say, not too awkwardly. "Kinda." 

Kim leaves for Physics class. She bumps into another girl right after she takes few steps and instead of apologizing, Kim playfully punches her in the stomach and walks off with her. I remember the girl's name as Lilly. We had Chemistry together back during Freshman year. I think again. Were Kim and Lilly always this close?

For now, I brush off the thought. Even if they are, it doesn't concern me. Kim can be close to whoever she wants without telling me. 

Going to English class alone feels weird. Normally, Arohi would be complaining about how annoying it is for her to not understand half of Shakespeare's works, about her boyfriend or we might even be fangirling over Harry Potter together.

Walking there without anyone bothering me, especially to English class, feels weird. I smile at this. Who knew I'd miss someone annoying me this much? Suddenly, I regret running away from all the hugs she wanted to give. Maybe, if I just wasn't so awkward to touch, I'd be regretting less.

But then you'd miss her more, says an inner voice. I agree with it for a false sense of reassurance.

When I enter the classroom, her absence hits me. Normally both of us would laugh around with anyone present. But since the last few days, most of them have been acting weird. Every time I try to tell someone hello, they'll look at me all softly and tell it back. I really don't need that, I want to say. It just makes me look like a sorry person who seems dysfunctional without her friend.