Trust Me Again

Chapter 3

"Get the fuck out!" And I don't mean my place, I mean my life. I want him gone, poof, vanished, lost, long gone.

"You cursing? Well that's a new." He says while smirking at me. He's always smirking that stupid smirk that makes me forget why I hate him in the first place.

"There a lot of things you don't know. After all you left me." I hiss at him. God, he makes so mad yet, so vulnerable at the same time.

"Calm down care bear. You don't need to go all mad women on me." The sound of that nickname it's just the one last drop for the cup to fill.

"Don't you dare call me that again in your life. You don't deserve to call me that ever again. And you better get the fuck out of this place right now or I swear to God I don't know what I'll do next if you don't leave. You don't get to come back after one year and act like if everything's okay. Like if everything was perfect when you left. Because, let me remind you that it was not. I tried my best to understand you but you don't want understanding. You just went to your old man whore ways. You just decided to escape. You didn't had the balls to confront the mess that your life was back then and I'm pretty sure you don't have them now. So I'll say this one more time...Get the fuck out of my apartment and don't ever come back. Never again!" I don't know where I found the courage to say all of that but I'm glad I did. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel part of my heart being liberated of this pressure and pain. But also, I feel confused because after this year and a half, I've thought that I moved on and seeing him right in front of me made all of my old feelings resurface again. I don't want that. I don't want to feel when it comes to him. I just want to have a button to turn off all of my feelings for him. The few good that are left and the bad ones.

He looks shock by sudden outburst. I feel confused, like wanting to block my mind and not think but also proud because I finally stood up for myself. I finally said what I feel. Not all of it since Sophi is still beside me but some part of it has been said and that helps me move on.

He opens his mouth to tell something but closes it again. Maybe he didn't expect my sudden outburst and to be honest I didn't expect it either. His eyes, those damn hazel eyes that I lost myself in, show a lot of emotions: shock, angriness, lostness but mostly...pain? He's not capable of feeling pain. He's way to "man" to feel pain.

"Claire I—"

"I don't want to hear it."

"But Claire please—"

"I said I don't want to heart it. I'm going upstairs. I have better things to do than to fight with you right now. You can show yourself out. After all, you did you show yourself in."

I walk towards the stairs without looking back. I know Sophi is just standing there wondering what the fuck happened between us for me to act like this. If only she knew... I go straight to my room to just stand and look at the sky. The night is perfect. The stars are shining like never before. The moon is completely full giving a special light to the city. Everything just seems so perfect and relaxing. I find myself thinking about what just happened. I don't feel like crying, I should, but I don't and I wonder why. Why I'm not crying after what he has done to me and finally watching him again. How I didn't break in front him. How my anger didn't turn into tears. And I feel proud of myself. Maybe I'm not that vulnerable anymore. Maybe I'm acknowledging my worth. Maybe just maybe I'm finally accepting reality. I know that he's not the man I fell for when we saw each other for the first time. I know that I never understood that. He's always been this selfish, egoistic, full of himself person. I always thought the best of him or maybe I just saw him the way I wanted him to be. At first I had a reason for why came in my life: for happiness. But, he wasn't. Now that I'm with Austin I know that the relationship him and I had was a vicious cycle. A cycle of pain. A cycle were we only hurt each other and didn't see it. I was in a relationship were my life revolved around him but his didn't on mine. And that was the main cause for our relationship to be as destructive as it was.