Shattered

Chapter 4

"Wait, what?" Christina says.

I say irritated "Do you really want me to repeat myself?"

"No, it's just that..." she starts. "It was just so unexpected."

"Yeah, I know." I reply sighing. I sit down on her black covered bed filled with clothes everywhere.

Then the tears start to come. I'm not sobbing, but I still can't control myself. It's too hard. So I don't even try; and I haven't cried like this since my parents died.

Christina sits down and wraps her arm around my shoulder. "Tris don't cry. It'll be okay. You've made it through so much..don't let this tear you apart."

It's not soothing or comfortable; instead it makes me mad. "That's not the point! You don't get it do you? Chris I'm only 21. Four is 23. We're too young! We're not ready to raise a child or be parents or have kids," I exclaim.
"we're not even married yet!"

By now I'm trembling and shaking so much Christina has to hold me in place to talk to me so I can focus.

"I never said you're ready," she points out. "All I said was that you can get through it. Were you prepared? No. But you're Dauntless. And being Dauntless is risking to put yourself in a situation without preparation."

I only nod my head because I know she's right. We sit in silence for a couple minutes when Christina speaks up.

"You have to tell Four. You know that right?"

"Yep, I know that too." I say twiddling with my fingers nervously. What will Tobias say?

She changes the subject "Okay lets get you cleaned up for this party!"

She hands me an outfit from a bag in her closet--she'd been meaning to give it to me; it contains back skinny jeans, a top that partially reveals my ravens, and some dark combat boots.

I start to undress to change and Christina looks away. I'm thankful for not having to ask her. I guess it's still a part of Abnegation in me. And it always will be. You can take the girl out of Abnegation but you can't take the Abnegation out of the girl.

She cleans my red, splotchy face and puts on a little mascara and lip balm. I'm so glad she didn't go 'all out'.

"Well I should get going," I say standing up. "thanks for the look and talk about the whole....pregnancy thing." I say, like a foreign word on my tongue.

"No problem. That's what friends are for right?" she smiles.

I'm not in the mood to smile but because she was so caring to me I force one out.

"Of course." I say.

I'm halfway outside when she calls my name. I turn around and peek my head over the door.

"If you two ever need anything or some help, you know where to find me."

"Thanks. We will." I close the door sighing and lean my head against the frame.

I'm suddenly reminded of how grateful I am that Christina is alive. She's helped me through so much, I feel like I could never truly repay her back. I've done almost nothing for her. She's such a great friend. I don't even think I deserve her.

I place my hand on my small stomach--which looks like normal--and can't help but think there's actually a baby in there. My baby. Tobias's baby. Our baby.

We never really learned about this stuff in Abnegation; about getting pregnant or having babies. I knew it could happen but at the time we didn't think about that. And now my mom isn't even here to help me with this.