Sweet Like Arsenic (B. Barnes) ✔

7 | morning

"Please, stay." Bucky croaked, making my chest fill with a pang of sympathy.

"You're obviously not screaming now, I should better go." I countered.

"But- alright then, goodnight." Bucky nodded dejectedly, reaching over to switch the lamp off.

The room was swept into darkness once again.

I walked over to the door, opening it and stepping out."Goodnight." I whispered just before I reached for the handle on the other side of the door.

I shut the door softly behind me, returning to my room.

I couldn't sleep. I made my way down the corridor to the common area, with a kitchenette, a lounge and a pinball machine.

Sitting myself down on a sofa, I opened the Kindle app on my phone and started to read.

I was halfway through the book when I felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked up from my Kindle to see a certain soldier/assassin walk up to the fridge and grab a carton of milk, then pivot to get an empty glass from the cabinet next to the fridge.

"Bucky, do you mind pouring me a glass too?" I asked, gripping my phone harder.

"Sure," he replied, finishing his job and walking over to the sofa where I sat with two glasses of milk.

He sat himself down on the other end of the sofa, and I curled my legs next to me to face him. "Would you like to talk about your nightmare?" I asked tentatively, playing counsellor or some sort of psychologist.

   Bucky ignored what I'd said, instead choosing to talk about something else, something more personal. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I feel so safe around you, even though you're an assassin and possibly part of Hydra yourself."

   "I swear on my life that I'm not part of Hydra. At least, not anymore."

Bucky nodded once. "They treated me like I wasn't a human being that could feel emotions. I was their weapon and only a weapon. They wiped me, replacing my memories with dossiers and battle plans and military tactics and-"

He stopped, warm blue eyes meeting mine. The glasses of milk were on the coffee table, long forgotten.

"God, I killed so many people." He rested his head on his hands, using his hair to obscure my view of his face.

I slid down the sofa and stopped in front of him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"You didn't kill anybody, the Winter Soldier isn't you. You're not him. You're something with compassion, with emotions and with love. You're nothing like him. You didn't kill anybody, the Winter Soldier did."

Bucky stiffened for a second, then lifted his arms hesitantly so they wrapped around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. I felt something wet on my shirt as he began to speak. "Why don't you think that I'm a universal fuck-up?"

I sighed. "Because nobody should be treated differently for something that they aren't in control of. Something like their racial background, their gender, or in your case, what Nazi organisation brainwashed you to do. You're more than just an assassin that killed people. You're way more complex than that."

He shook violently when I mentioned the word 'killed', and I rubbed circles into his back soothingly. "What do you see me as?"

I laughed dryly. "I've only spoken to you for a little bit, I don't even really know you. Steve is the only one that does, truly."

"Please, Dona, who- who am I to you?" Bucky's voice broke halfway through, and I ran my hand through his hair.

He looked up, and I continued. "You're a beautiful but misunderstood man, with a big, kind heart. At first, I was scared of you, but you're so loyal to your friends, and didn't seem so aggressive when you got to know me better, I guess."

He simply looked at me for a long time, then smiled, a real, genuine one that lit up the room."Thanks for everything, Dona."

"No problem, I'll see you tomorrow." I glanced at the clock. It read 2:20 in the morning."Wait, no, later today."

   "This ish good, Tella." Tony Stark exclaimed, his mouth full of my udon noodles.

   The small group of Avengers sat around a table, enjoying my amazing breakfast, aka egg, artificial crab meat and boiled egg udon.

   Steve was deep in thought, sitting opposite to the billionaire. He could barely use the chopsticks. "If we attack from the woods, I don't think-"

   "Nobody cares, bud." Bucky interrupted, smiling at his best friend. He'd given up on his chopsticks and was using a fork instead. "We can discuss it later."

   I nodded in agreement. "I'd like to enjoy breakfast without having to talk about fighting, thank you very much."

   "You have no right to say this, considering the fact that you're the Hydra runaway here." Tony countered, pointing at me with his chopsticks.

   "Who made breakfast, again?" Bucky countered, just as I exclaimed through gritted teeth, "I'm not a Hydra runaway."

   "True on both accounts." Natasha agreed, managing to get the artificial crab meat. I laughed silently as I watched the famed assassin struggle. "Donatella somehow got to leave Hydra, although she was wiped partially."

   "Ah, right." Tony nodded.

   The table fell silent before Bucky spoke up. "Are you ready for the electroshock thing?"

   "Electroconvulsive therapy." Tony corrected. The whole table had gone quiet again to hear my response.

   "Not really, no," I replied with a slight frown on my face. I wasn't ready to receive memories of Hydra and what powers they've given me, but I guess it's time for me to find out.

   "But I'm still gonna do it."

   Bucky squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. "You're gonna do just fine."