Sweet Like Arsenic (B. Barnes) ✔

9 | Casper

My eyes snapped open, the image of Casper still floating in my mind, a warning.

I was lying in my bed, hugging the spare pillow. I tried to lift my head up, but a wave of pain surged through the front of my head, and I had the sudden urge to rub where it was throbbing.

Ignoring the dulling pain, I managed to sit up, noticing a figure sitting next to the bed, asleep with his head resting on his hand.

"B-bucky," I croaked, my throat suddenly feeling like sandpaper.

His body jolted once, his eyes snapping open and alert and before he looked into my eyes, his gaze tired but gentle. "You're up."

I rolled my eyes. "No, I'm a ghost and I'm haunting you. No shit that I'm up."

Bucky chuckled dryly, getting up from the uncomfortable-looking chair. "Do you want a cup of water? Tea? Never mind, you prefer coffee."

God, he's perfect. Absolutely perfect. "Thank you, really. Coffee will be amazing."

He left my room, leaving me behind. I smiled to myself, thinking back to what he'd said a few seconds ago. He was so sweet.

Just like Casper.

Where is he now? Still working with Hydra, or did he resign too? Is he with Mum and Dad, or is he on a mission?

What if Hydra tortures Casper because I'm working for the Avengers now?

Oh god.

Bucky came back with two cups of steaming hot coffee, setting one on the bedside table next to my bed. "What are you thinking in the pretty head of yours?"

"So you find my head pretty?" I laughed, and he grinned back, unashamed.

"If you find mine prettier." He replied almost cockily, making me chuckle softly.

"I think what I have in my pretty-" I made air quotes, "-head of mine would be prettier than yours, from the memories I retrieved after the weird brain shock thing. I've seen Hydra do some scary shit to you."

And to other people too.

Bucky sat himself down on the bed, his familiar scent reaching me when he spoke again after sighing. "Yes, they have. What did you see?"

"I didn't exactly see anything, it was more like having access to more memories than before." I paused to get the mug of coffee, allowing myself to take a tentative sip of it. "I get to recall doing things that I didn't remember doing and seeing before the 'shock' thing, that's all."

When he saw the downcast look in my eyes, he reached to give my shoulder a small squeeze with his flesh hand. "Did- did you see me, by any chance?"

"Oh God, yes I did, and the memories were horrible." I pursed my lips, nodding.

The terrible look on his face said it all.

"Dona, I am so, so sorry. You know that I didn't mean to shoot you back then, during training." Bucky's face was a mixture of regret and sadness.

"As I've said yesterday, that wasn't you, Buck, it was Hydra. And trust me, I've done worse than shooting someone in the ribs."

"But I killed-" Bucky tried to counter, but I interrupted him."

"I have too, voluntarily."

Bucky nodded once but didn't say anything. I stared at my coffee, hella embarrassed and filled with guilt.

"Uh, I wanna get some sleep now, is that alright, RoboCop?" I said pathetically.

Bucky nodded, a hint of fear flashing over his ocean blue eyes. I sighed, knowing that he was most probably afraid of me.

"Look, Bucky, I understand that-" I paused for a split second, knowing that an explanation wouldn't change the way he saw me now. "Nothing."

Nodding again, Bucky left as silently and almost catlike, shutting the door behind him softly.

I was awake again. I half-expected Bucky to be beside me, just like last time.

He wasn't.

I regretted what I said. Why did I say that I killed voluntarily? He knew that I did, but something that I've said must've done something to him.

Maybe I shouldn't have said those words.

Maybe.

I used my hands to push myself up in bed, twisting my body carefully to take my phone that was on the bedside table, charging.

[ 2 missed calls from Cap ]

Sighing, I called him back, waiting only for a few seconds before he picked up.

"Donatella," He began, his voice strained and heavy, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah," I replied honestly, tilting my head side by side to test whether my head still throbbed. It didn't.

"Great. Are you up for some training? You probably remember how you manipulated your powers, right?"

I frowned and waited for a second before replying with a "sure".

He said a quick goodbye which I returned kindly, knowing that Bucky probably would be in the training room as well. Great.