A Second Chance?

Chapter 3

~3 months ago~

  Ryan was sitting in a small coffee shop near his apartment that he liked to hang out in so he didn't feel so alone. Sam had been gone for just over a year now, 13 months yesterday to be exact. Ryan fell into a routine after Sam was gone: Get up, go to work, come home and find some way to distract himself, sleep (when he could), repeat. Ryan wouldn't say he was depressed, because he wasn't really feeling anything at all - just numb.

Ryan never went out or did anything with anyone to speak of. Occasionally, he'd visit his dad. Sometimes, Sam's parents would check on him, but he'd never been exceptionally close with them. All their joint friends stayed away, because they just didn't know what to say or how to handle the situation. So outside of work, Ryan didn't even talk much these days. Even Ryan's dad, who normally didn't get involved with such things, tried to gently nudge his son into getting himself back out into the world of the living. But Ryan just couldn't hear it.

  Tonight, he was sitting with his notebook, just waiting to see if any words would come out so he could express himself. He had always liked writing in the past, but with his feelings so bottled up, so it seemed the words were bottled too. It only served to make him feel more frustrated. He was stuck.

  He happened to hear the little door bell jingle the next time someone came into the shop. He looked up and took in the sight of a guy around his age coming in. He was, even Ryan had to admit, gorgeous: thick, soft-looking dark hair quiffed on top of his head; huge, deep-brown eyes; plump, red lips. Ryan even blushed to realize he'd taken a stare at the young man's ass, which looked round and firm, and honestly amazing, in very tight skinny jeans. This guy was hot. You'd have to be blind not to notice.

  As he glanced up further, he noticed the guy was staring back at him with a soft smile. Ryan quickly ducked his head and went back to his notebook. He didn't want to give the guy the wrong idea. He wasn't intrigued - he wasn't.

  A couple of minutes later, he heard a soft, deep voice say, "Excuse me?"

  He looked up to see the young man standing right by him, smiling. "I noticed you were sitting alone and wondered if it might be ok if I sat with you? The shop is really busy tonight and the only free tables are for big groups."

  Ryan hesitated a moment, but didn't see any harm in being kind to a stranger. He offered a small, polite smile and said, "Sure. Help yourself."

  "Thanks," the guy said with a larger, sunny smile. He held out his hand. "My name's Brendon."

  Ryan smiled again, larger, and said, "Ryan Ross. Nice to meet you," shaking Brendon's hand.

  "I've never seen you around here before, Ryan. I come here quite a bit. Are you new to the area?" Brendon asked.

  Ryan shook his head. "No. I just come kind of randomly, with no set schedule."

  Brendon nodded. "And what do you do for work, Ryan Ross?"

  "I work for the newspaper. I edit articles, but I'm just kind of a peon, mostly," Ryan shrugged.

  Brendon laughed. "Me too. I'm an executive assistant. Not my dream job but it pays the bills."

  Ryan nodded. He really didn't have anything more to say, so he looked back to his notebook and started trying to write a poem. A few minutes passed of them quietly sitting together, and Brendon drinking his coffee. Then Brendon stood to leave.

  "Ryan, it was really nice meeting you. I need to be going. I was wondering....could I get your number? Maybe we could hang out sometime?"

  Ryan bit his lip. This is the first time he'd encountered this situation since Sam had died. He definitely did not want to date. But did hanging out have to mean dating? Not necessarily. Maybe he could make a friend who wasn't around for all the bad stuff in the past. Then conversations wouldn't have to be so awkward.

  "Sure, Brendon." Ryan wrote his name and number on a piece of notebook paper, tore it out, and gave it to Brendon.

  "Awesome," Brendon beamed. "I'll call you and maybe we can catch a movie soon. See ya, Ryan!" And with that, Brendon headed off.

  Ryan sat feeling guilty and conflicted. Was he cheating on Sam? He knew everyone around him would say no, Sam had died, but Ryan hadn't and had every right to move on. But Ryan couldn't help but feel like he was. He justified it to himself by saying that he just needed some company, because it wasn't good for him to be alone all the time. Because if Ryan was sure of one thing, it was that he was tired of feeling so alone.

  But Ryan couldn't, and wouldn't, get involved romantically, with Brendon or anyone else. His heart just didn't belong to him to give away.