A Second Chance?

Chapter 7

   Once they got to Brendon's apartment, Ryan spoke up. "I'm glad you came out with us, Bren. I'm so sorry for how it ended up, though." Ryan gave Brendon a sympathetic smile.

  Brendon was quiet for a minute, but then shook his head. "I'm not, Ry. If that's the kind of person he is, I'd rather know it now than later. At least this way I don't have to keep dealing with such a two-face."

  Ryan shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I see your point. I'll call you tomorrow and check in, okay?" Ryan just wanted to make sure Brendon would be okay, and know that Ryan was there for him.

  Brendon regarded Ryan quietly for a moment. "Actually...would you come in and stay with me, Ry? I mean, if you don't mind Spence?" Brendon was looking at Ryan with those big, soulful brown eyes.

  Spencer nodded fervently. "Of course not - that's just fine!" Spencer was so hopeful for Ryan. Maybe he and Brendon would get back together soon. Spencer was more than willing to sacrifice the rest of the evening with Ryan if that helped the two reconnect.

  Ryan looked surprised but pleased, and didn't hesitate to agree to Brendon's wishes. "Of course, Bren. You know I'm here for you. Spence, I'll call you in the morning, ok?" Spencer nodded and the two men exited the car.

  On the way up to Brendon's apartment, Ryan's heart was pounding in his chest. He was gonna be there for Brendon, however Brendon needed him. And he was determined that, if he got another chance, he wouldn't screw it up this time.

——

  Brendon unlocked the door, and the two men entered his apartment. He took Ryan's jacket, and removed his, hanging them both up. "Ry, you thirsty? Can I get you something?" He moved toward the kitchen.

  "Just a glass of water. Thanks, Bren." Ryan moved in to Brendon's familiar living room, realizing just how much he'd missed being here, and sat on Brendon's red sofa. Brendon soon returned, two glasses of water in hand, and sat by Ryan...close by Ryan.

  "So, Bren...do you wanna talk about what happened tonight? If not, that's fine! But I don't mind listening at all," Ryan assured.

  Brendon sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, I guess I do. It's not like I'm actually sad about Dallon. I wasn't really attached to him at all yet. I guess I'm just sad because I just keep choosing so badly. Don't take that personally, because I don't mean you. Our situation is not what I'm talking about. I mean all the assholes I've dated. All my 'relationships' have been short-lived because it seems like they're all just trying to get into my pants. They don't actually want a relationship at all. They just want sex, and that's not how I roll. There needs to be a relationship there, feelings there, first."

  "Well, Bren, I think it's admirable for you to know yourself and stick to what you are comfortable with. You know it won't do any good just to put out to keep someone around, since they wouldn't be worth keeping around anyway, if that's all they're really interested in." Ryan really did respect that, because as much as he had loved sex with Sam, he loved his whole being more. And then he realized: that's exactly how he felt about Brendon too.

  Brendon nodded. "I totally know you are right. It just sucks because I wind up constantly alone because of it. There has got to be another gay man out there that wants the same things as I do, right? I mean, one that I'm compatible with too, obviously."

  Ryan looked at Brendon seriously, straight in the eye. "I am absolutely certain there is another gay man out there that wants those things and is compatible with you," he said.

  Brendon quirked an eyebrow and looked at Ryan quizzically. "How are you so sure of that, Ry?"

  Ryan reached over and took one of Brendon's hands in both his. "Because I want those same things," he said softly. "I want the relationship and not just sex. When we weren't talking, I did a lot of soul searching, and finally had a breakthrough. I know if I don't let go of the fact that Sam died and move on, I'm going to be lonely and denying myself happiness for the rest of my life. He wouldn't want that for me, and I don't want it either, now that I have my head on straight about it. And I would really like to have that happiness, that meaningful relationship, with you. The longer I was away from you, the more I came to one inescapable conclusion: I'm in love with you, Brendon."

Brendon stared wide-eyed at Ryan, his mouth agape, but Ryan continued. "If you were happy with Dallon and it was going somewhere, I just wanted you to be happy and not get in the way of that. I mean, now I know that's not the case. And I understand completely if you're not ready for that with me, or can't trust me enough to-"

  Brendon raised a hand and cut Ryan off. "Ryan, don't take this the wrong way, but shut up." He scooted right against Ryan, and cupped his face with his hand. "I told you before things ended between us that I was falling for you. That hasn't gone away. I was pissed off and sad when you broke it off, and yeah, that made me a little defensive when you got back in touch. But I can't tell you how glad I am that you did. I missed you so much, and thought about you constantly. Even when I was out with Dallon, I couldn't help comparing him to you, and he just never measured up. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm in love with you too." Brendon was smiling up at Ryan softly.

  Ryan broke into a megawatt smile, and leaned forward to kiss Brendon slowly. As they kissed, Ryan could feel the sparks between them, and it sent shockwaves through his body. He wound his hands into Brendon's hair and held his head as they deepened the kiss. They finally broke for air, and rested their foreheads together, beaming at one another and breathing the other in.

  "Bren, I want us to be together now, really together. I hate how high-schoolish this sounds but...will you be my boyfriend?" Ryan was grinning.

  Brendon chuckled. "Yes, Ry, I'll be your boyfriend. I would love to." They leaned in and hugged each other tightly, both so happy to have each other in the way they both wanted. But then Brendon asked,  "Ry...I'm exhausted. It's been a long night. Can we just go to bed?"

  Ryan nodded. "Sure. Can you give me extra sheets so I can set up the couch?" Ryan wasn't going to make any assumptions, despite their new relationship status.

  Brendon shook his head. "No, Ry...I want you to come to bed with me. I...I want you to hold me. I've wanted your arms around me for a long time now," he admitted shyly.

  Ryan smiled softly at Brendon. "I would love that. It sounds so good."