Resolve

Chapter 6: Progress and Regression

      Jack peered under the break table at his absolutely wrecked siren. Unconcious, legs covered in blood, with tear tracks marring her cheeks. Jack liked it. She had done this thing that upset her this much, for him. He picked her up with a practiced, very gentle hand. She didn't stir,  practically comatose from overexertion of some kind. He whistled as he sauntered his way down the hall.

     There were many paths he could take with this, with her. One of utter subjugation with her mind broken and fitted to his every whim. He could play the lover, extract emotional responses in favor of her becoming more attached. He could use her to make the world kneel and so long as he left a select few untouched, she probably wouldn't object.

     He set her on the couch to one far side of his massive office and flipped his feet up on his desk.

X
 

   You floated on a field of purple tumbling over and over ever so slowly. There was no pain or fear or guilt on your soul. It was a pure state of being, and you used it to reconcile the things in your head. You had killed Krieg, that was the unavoidable truth. The unavoidable consequence was the guilt you knew was waiting in your waking body for you to come back. Turning this over to yourself, you thought of what you could do to make it better, to make it right.

     Part of you argued that the only you could do was push on to try and make all the wrongs worth it. It was louder, more prominent than the voice that insisted none must die as a result of your personal crusade to save Jack's soul. That you shouldn't stoop or settle for second best. The third, much quieter, almost silent part of your brain whispered that there wasn't much more you could take of all this violence and death and blood before you just...snapped. It was very gentle, trying to remind you that you had limits on your sanity too, and that they had long ago been passed.

     Overhead, there was a gentle voice telling you that it was time to wake up, that you had been asleep and processing long enough. That you needed to get up and start dealing with things. You gave a push against your subconscious and rose to the waking world.

     The ceiling was at least fifteen feet over your head and light from space shone in from behind you. This was not your room. You languidly cast your gaze around as much as you could without moving your head, noting the trophies and Atlas knickknacks on the walls.

     Jack's office hadn't changed much. You hadn't really payed attention before when he was giving you the ultimatum, but here it was. You looked down your length at your legs, absolutely covered in the blood of the vault hunter you murdered. Your lips turned down, but you held steady. It was done. For now, all you could do was turn forward, try to make it all worth it, take a chance to fix it all if you got it.

     You sat up slowly, aware of the emptiness in your gut and the ache in your chest from various feelings of nervousness. Mordecai, I'm sorry. You can hate me forever all you want once this is over. Your eyes watered and you sank your teeth viciously into a cheek, your mouth flooding with a coppery taste that made you lose all hunger. You couldn't show weakness now, even if you saw no feasible way this loop was going to end on a good note.

     You felt Jack's eyes on you and drew on your inner strength before standing. "Alright, princess. Now that you're up, I'd like some words with you. Sit." And you did, ever the trained siren. "First, I'm sorry you faced such duress." Your red flags practically filled your vision. "But you're here with me now. I was completely unaware you held any sort of stress related issues within you, but rest assured they will be addressed."

     You didn't like it one bit. Jack tossed a white bottle at you, devoid of any label. "Take them any time you start to feel overwhelmed." There was nothing else, no talk of moderation or side effects or even what it was. You pocketed the pills. You had a scientist's mind. Surely identification wouldn't be hard. "Second, you may have your lab privileges back provided you continue Nakayama's work." Your eyelid twitched. He was a cyber-geneticist. You were literally into machines and coding, programming, the likes. Still you nodded. "Lastly..." He leaned across the desk. "I want you to take this." He slid a button across the table. "It will alert me you need assistance." You took it in silence, wondering what the fuck all this was. Jack didn't show concern for others. Not even the ones he needed.

     He made a gesture like you were free to go and you practically scrambled out, going first to your lab, which was just down the hall from the Hub of Heroism. You shut and locked the door which, while a hollow act still gave you a sense of security. You took a long, long time to shower in your private bathroom, spending at least ten minutes crouched on the floor under the warm water and gathering yourself.

X

     You wore actual jeans and a Hyperion yellow shirt, complete with classic white lab coat. Clean and half sane you glanced at the pills before putting one in your mouth and swallowing. There was no reason for Jack to poison you when he was trying so hard to fool you into some sort of...cared for sense. Then you opened Nakayama's files and glanced over them. It was total black ops, creepy classified type shit. Nakayama had spent his Hyperion days trying to clone Handsome Jack, an iffy science to begin with.

     Your head swam. What the hell were you supposed to do with all this information? It was entirely out of your circle of study. You pushed the files away and put your head down on the desk, finding that you were oddly not bothered with something so outside the realm of reasonable achievement. You felt...relaxed.

      Try as you might, you just couldn't be upset by the task before you. It would all be OK, surely. Shrugging it off again, you pushed back from the desk, taking the smallest file with you and heading down to the main lobby. Other employees looked at you curiously, remembering the way you had run down here bloodied and crying the day before. No one approached and you got the distinct feeling that they had all been told to stay away from you.

     You indulged in some food from the cafeteria before taking your seat. You only took some oatmeal, as bland as you get it for your upset stomach. Your perfect solitude lasted perhaps eight minutes before a pair of men stopped next to you, the one with the metal arm actually taking a seat. "I noticed you crying yesterday. Covered in blood. Are you hurt?"

     Your eyes flicked to the other man, startled you were being approached at all despite the fact you were clearly on some kind of social lock down. "I'm Rhys." The speaker supplied. "That's Vaughn."

     You swallowed thickly, suddenly desperate for a drink. "I-I'm ok." They shared a glance that made you even more nervous. Where had that floaty feeling gone?

     "Look...If you're being a abused in the workplace, that's not cool." Rhys was frowning.

     You laughed,  really laughed. It was a bitter, sarcastic noise. "You know nothing of what you ask."

     "That's why we asked." Vaughn pointed out in a way he probably thought was helpful.

     "Abuse?" You asked, nearly incredulous. "Abuse?" You weren't sure what you wanted to say for a moment. You calmed down. "It wasn't my blood. And as a side note, if you like living, I wouldn't get too close to me."

     "Strange. That's almost exactly what Henderson said in the staff meeting this morning." Vaughn stroked his goatee.

     "So leave me alone then." You kind of wished they wouldn't, but knew it was safer for them to just drop it. Jack had big plans for you, and wouldn't want anyone trying to prise you away from them.

     Rhys squared his shoulders, fixed his eyes on you and...backed away. "Vaughn she's clearly stuck in something and can't talk about it. Think about it. Hyperion is a business overflowing with assholes." Vaughn seemed to realize this and looked back at you nervously.

     "If you want to talk at any point...Vaughn is in accounting and I'm with the data mining group." He gave you another look and left. Suddenly you weren't hungry. You pushed away the porridge you'd taken maybe nine or ten bites of and hurriedly went back to your quarters.

     Oh how you wanted to talk. Wanted to not be alone. You couldn't had that with Mordecai. He and the others were going to help you figure it out. Now...you curled with your bed sheets completely covering you and tried to hold in the sobs. Shakily, you took another pill, grateful for it and the effect of apathy it brought.

     Your made your eyes close, cradling the bottle to your chest and let go.