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My writing had started to get worse and worse, each paragraph sounded like a literal horror story in itself. I'd told Eleanor I didn't want to write a sob story but that was literally the only thing I was able to pull from myself.
I wish I had something I could specifically talk about, but at that moment I was still trying to cram the whole nineteen years of my life into a book.
I had been in bed for a while so I decided to get up and wash my face and brush my teeth even though I knew I wasn't about to go outside. I also got dressed only into a long jumper, this time it was mine because I couldn't face any of Kian's clothes yet.
That was still an open wound,
Well with no texts in over a week there was no possibility of it closing.
When I returned back to bed I let out a frustrated groan and set my laptop just to the side so I could scan the words I had written.
"Oh boohoo" I muttered to myself deleting a full paragraph in annoyance.
I was practically begging for something to help me procrastinate and that was given to me in the form of a phone call by an unknown number. The phone vibrated my stomach where it sat and even after I picked it up I stalled from answering.
"Um... hello?" I barely said down the phone feeling as my cheeks heated and my fingertips started to sweat just a little more than usual. I hated that my literal body did that.
"Dillon? Is that you?" Asked a familiar but yet still foreign voice, I pulled away to look at the caller ID again but it held no information.
"Yeah? I'm Dillon?" I basically questioned.
"I'm so sorry, Dillon, I really didn't know it was yours. If I knew that they'd notice it then I would've taken it out. There were so many videos with it in and I didn't even think about it but I guess it was more prominent or something-"
I scowled at myself and try to cough to stop the rambling of the man don't the phone and finally he came to a halt as I asked,
"Who is this?"
"It's Anderson, sorry I didn't even introduce myself, bloody fabulous" he grumbled.
At first I laughed and then slowly the start of our phone call started to drip through and then suddenly like someone had left the faucet on, it flooded me.
"What do you mean they noticed it? What did they notice? What didn't you take out?" My heart had started to thump through my chest.
"I guess it was some of your clothes, the fans noticed it on the house tour that the boys did and then they started to rewatch videos and your clothes are everywhere... fuck, I'm sorry" Anderson panicked.
My first instinct was to be mad but truthfully there was nothing he could've done about it and it was insanely sweet that he had rang to apologise.
"It's okay" I mumbled scratching the back of my neck "thank you for ringing me" my voice was so low and sad that Anderson must've picked up my sadness through the phone.
"What's up?" He asked and I ran a hand over my face, almost ready to let go of a sob.
"I don't have friends" I blurted not even realising what I'd said until it'd travelled through the phone to England where Anderson laughed at first but then noted my seriousness.
"You have Kian and the boys" he answered.
"No, no I don't" I barely said trying to whisper so that my voice didn't break.
It's finally hit me that without Kian I had nobody, he had friends and he was able to get girls but I was alone.
"How do I speak to people?" I asked in an innocent voice, the vulnerability physically pained me to show but he was the only person I had interacted with in a week.
"First, you've got to leave your house" he chuckled "why don't you go get a coffee, you can practice talking to the barista" he suggested.
"Ando, you're a genius!" I gasped and he chuckled, it was weird because to everyone else he seemed so young but he was only merely two years younger than me.
"I hope you're okay" he said genuinely through the phone before I ended the call not forgetting to thank him again.
I looked at my outfit, usually I would've covered further up on my legs but it was so warm and I was already wearing a thick long jumper so instead I pulled on some high socks.
Walking to the nearest Philz I started to think about the whole concept of being famous and having a fanbase, it's strange because if I was confident enough not only could I be well known due to my friendships with youtubers but also because of my writing.
I never came to places like coffee shops so entering made me so anxious, my hands sweating and my chest tightening even though the shop was practically empty.
I managed to order my coffee without having a breakdown and I sat down near a window to watch as people walked past.
Through the door a group of girls stepped in, each of them looked like they were wearing merchandise, the first one I obviously caught to be Kian's. The other girls looked like they were wearing other people's, Emma Chamberlains jumper being the only one I really understood.
They all got iced latte's and sat on the table opposite to mine, breaking out into chatters about school.
I sat and subtly listened, a skill I'd acquired due to being so quiet for so long. They spoke about their classes and the boys they fancied and then the conversation changed.
"Oh my god! Did you see the KnJ twitter fandom?" one of the girls, specifically the one in the Kian merch, said looking to her best friend who shook her head.
"You didn't hear? They were going crazy about Kian having a secret girlfriend" the girl in Emma's jumper said siding with her friend who's eyes bursted open.
"You think it's true?" The girls asked each other and a few shrugs were thrown around until someone said,
"There's definitely a secret member the amount of jumpcuts in Anderson's editing recently has been UNREAL"
My heart started to thump and I tried to steady myself with the coffee table so that I didn't catch their attention and luckily none of them turned to look at me.
Why would they have thought I was the secret member anyway? I was an irrelevant basic girl sat in a coffee shop.
My phone pinged to snap me out of my panic, but the message wasn't exactly calming.
Ki | you're going to be so pissed, I'm sorry.
Dilly | i already know about the fans, don't worry I'll be staying away from u
Ki | it's not that | I don't want you to stay away, please I've hated this week
Dilly | what've you done, Kian?
Ki | its Jc, I didn't want to do it | come home, now
