Til Death Do Us Part

Chapter 5

  Every second that passes I feel myself become weaker, this is not an exaggeration. I am beginning to lose myself, just yesterday she. Doing the simplest task of making myself a coffee I ended up dropping the mug and burning my hand on the boiling water. This is when Cam decided that I must be watched over every second, he has taken a month off from work. I told him that a month is too much time, I won't need that much. Caitlin delivered the pills no more than 2 days ago. They sit beside my bed yet every night Cam hides them, he is scared and I understand why yet I would not leave him without warning. Well I intend on doing so.

  "It's not fair." Cam says pulling me out of my trance, I was watching the droplets of rain face down the window, finding it quite fascinating. The things I had never noticed before occupied my mind the most now.

  "What isn't?" I asked yet deep in my heart I knew the answer...

  "Why you?" His hands are frantically tapping against his leg and it makes me smile, I used to do that when I became angry yet now I don't feel the emotion at all. Maybe one day it will come back.

  "You could say that about anyone Cam."

  He walks over to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, I just smile and look back out the window. It had began to hurt to even look at him anymore. I didn't want it to end this way.

  "I love you Alayna." I stand and finally look directly at him, he hasn't shaven and wears the same clothes every day. He's scared to miss a second of anything I do in case it is my last.

  "I love you too."

  I don't sleep anymore. Well not at night anyways. I can't. My mind is filled with unanswered questions and the occasional worry. Because of this Can doesn't sleep either. He will when I'm with family or friends but when I'm with him he won't close his eyes at all. Maybe it's because he's scared of opening them and me not being able to.   Nothing has got much worse apart from occasionally falling every so often. I don't hit the ground but I stumble quite a bit. Cam is always standing close grabbing me before anything major can happen. I don't know what I would do without him and in some sense I feel guilt rack my body for this. If I had gone to the doctors earlier or just hadn't got involved with him, he wouldn't have to go through this heartache. I beat myself up every time I see his red puffy eyes. He cries a lot more but only when he is by himself, we both are trying to keep brave faces but for now we are soon going to break into a thousand pieces. The sad thing is that I won't be able to put it back together.