everything was gold

him

Phil leaned on the edge of the couch, sitting on the floor across from me. he was unbothered, except for the look of pain I was expressing.

"So what do you think happened?"

he shook his head when he remembered the conversation. he almost admitted the truth. what a coward, the voice in his head told him.

"Uh, I don't really know."

the look on his face must've given it away. Phil raised an eyebrow. he knew. Oh no. he knew.

shoot, say something! anything.

"That was a lie." Well, great. Now you've really done it, idiot.

Phil laughed and said, "Okay. Go for it." he grabbed a full glass of water on the table next to him. he must have prepared it for Dan.

when I was handed a cup, I couldn't help but be thankful for Phil. i nodded in approval.

"It's a long story. One that might have to wait for later. But there is a bit that I can fill you in on," I said.

"Try me," Phil replied.

i briefly paused, unsure of what to tell. i recomposed myself and started. "When I was little, I was overly intelligent. I knew too much, too young. Being a special child was something I wasn't too great at. The kids humiliated me with insults, like: try-hard, dumbass, know-it all, and teachers' pet. It wasn't so much of those that hurt me, it was the fact that they'd trash my belongings and rip my homework to shreds." I stopped, pondering if I should share the next bit. i inhaled sharply, glancing up at Phil.

he looked worried. the same type of worried that my mother was. a frown, creased forehead, and sad eyes. except, he was brighter. everything about him was happy, even when he wasn't.

for the some reason, I wanted to kiss him. and I had zero idea where that thought came from. i quickly shook it away.

"Go ahead." He placed his hand on mine. "I won't judge you. We were friends, remember?"

i did. how could I ever forget? we would play together, sing together, laugh together. but he never knew my real story.

i nodded. Phil's worry decreased. "I had no clue that was all going on."

deflecting it, I said, "In your defense, you had other friends. You had more important issues to worry about."

"Yea, I guess. Keep going, if you want."

reluctantly, I did. "I knew from a very young age that gender never mattered in love. I was attracted to everyone. Even in my teenage years it became prominent. It was the truth."

he grinned. "It only proves that you have a heart of gold."

i shuddered.

suppress. your thoughts.

i fake-smiled. "Haha, thanks."

"No problem. Is that all?" He asked.

"Of course not." I set down the cup of water. "Knowing this, I pursued all types of people. When I was a pre-teen, I became especially interested in boys. My mother didn't understand, but she tried her best. My father was never home. He loved me, so much. And that's why he had to make a life for me."

i wondered why I'd told Phil so much about me. he appeared curious and gestured to continue.

"The kids at school were harsh. That would mean verbally and physically. When my mother left, I had no one to protect me. It was as if I was on my own. Constantly. Once they were sure we were alone, the bullied would pummel me in the corners. Laugh when I cried. Show no mercy."

when I checked, he was in tears. it must have really gotten to him. maybe he had a soft spot for broken bisexuals.

"I missed you. So much," I quietly said.

and then he hugged me. he hugged me so securely, I could never slip away. although I was still unsure about him, I soon gave in. Why does he like me? I'm not a pity case.

"You had it bad, Dan. And I wasn't there for you," said a muffled Phil. i swear I heard him sniffle.

i was overcome with pain. washed with sorrow. and I sobbed into his neck. i sobbed so hard I could hardly breath.

he didn't flinch. he didn't let go. and I knew I had regained a friend.

"I promise to never forget you again."

he let go. Dan was struck by the expression Phil gave. eyes full of tears, he choked out, "It was your mother. She told me to stay away."

i stood up. i realized the danger of the situation. i could hurt Phil. ruin his life. and no matter how badly i wanted it, i couldn't risk a friendship.

"Thank you for everything, but I have to leave. For real." I backed up and opened the front door. "I'm sorry. Don't come looking for me, don't worry about me." I picked up my book bag and started to go.

Phil was in shock. pure shock. "But-"

"No," I cut off. i put my hand out in protest. "You can't be my friend. You can't be near me. Just trust me."

he didn't trust me. and I knew it.

without turning back, I sprinted off the steps and turned the corner. then, I stopped and looked back at him. he stared at me. his eyes full of fear, he shut the door.

and I ran like my life depended on it.