The Best Dream

Nightmare #3

You're worthless. You're nothing. You're a freak. You don't deserve to exist. You don't matter. No one loves you. No one could ever love you. You're disgusting. You're stupid. You're worthless.

Gripping the towel rack I pulled myself to my feet, stumbling.

Your parents' lives would be so much better without you. Think of all the pain you've caused your poor mother. She does so much for you and you don't even repay the favour.

Ungrateful.

It won't be long before their love will start to run dry. They'll get tired of you. They'll leave you. Everyone will leave you. Trapped in your nothingness. Alone and cold. Like you deserve to be.

Cold chills ran up my body and my fingers slid down the sink, holding onto it for dear life.

I looked up, my eyes meeting hers.

She looked terrible. 

Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, dark circles swallowing them.

Her lips, moist, were surrounded by an army of saliva, intestinal juices and food particles.

Her nose, so red that rudolf himself would be jealous at the first sight of her.

I placed a hand on the mirror, holding her gaze.

My best friend, my only companion, what have I done to you?

God himself is probably ashamed of the mess you've become. You've sinned your soul. You disobeyed your parents, you lied to them, you have a boyfriend while you're still in high school, you kissed him. Do you even know how ashamed your parents will be of you? How ashamed God IS of you? You're so selfish. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

What was left of my breakfast came rushing out of me, into the sink, dragging my attention away from my reflection.

You're playing into the devil's hands. You're going to hell. You'll get what you deserve there. Nothing can save you now. You can't even stop. You don't even have the guts to leave him. He's gonna leave you. He doesn't care about you.

You don't deserve him.

You don't deserve him.

You don't deserve him.

I whipped my mouth with the back of my hand and made my way over to the door and into my bedroom, hearing my phone ringing.

I collapsed onto the bed and forced myself to my hands and knees to crawl over to my phone, my muscles feeling as though they were about to shatter beneath me.

I looked at the caller ID and saw Dave's name on the screen.

Bringing my breathing to a slower pace I brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello..?"

My voice sounded alien. Desperate. Fragile. Broken.

"Ann baby is that you?"

"Yeah," I sniffed," What's up?"

"I just got shot baby.."

I was silent.

"Not this again," I mouthed.

You know he's lying to you. How many times a week does a guy get shot and live?

"I don't have much time.."

You can't deal with his shit right now, you're dealing with your own shit.