Science Gab

Elphaba and Galinda had been sitting in their dorm room together in a relatively peaceful silence, but the longer that silence dragged on, the more and more bored one of the two witches became. At last, it became unbearable for her, and she simply had to speak up!

"Elphie?" of course, it was Galinda. It was always Galinda, the one with less patience.

"Hmmm?" Elphaba asked, not really paying any mind to her whiny roommate.

"Whatcha doin'?" Galinda replied.

"Writing an essay," Elphaba replied, still not paying much attention to Galinda.

"About what?" Galinda prompted. She wasn't going to be ignored so easily.

"Animal habitats," Elphaba replied in another unintentionally short answer. She was totally oblivious to Galinda's attempts at starting up a chat, far too engrossed in her essay to realize what Galinda was doing.

Seeing that her conversation-starters were failing, Galinda heaved a sigh. No response. She heaved another sight. Still no response. She heaved a very large, loud sigh. Still no response. She gave one last hearty-

"If the air here is stuffy enough to make you sound like you're choking, head outside," Elphaba said sharply.

"Elphie!" Galinda whined.

"What? What is Galinda? What?" Elphaba demanded, finally looking up from her work to meet her roommate's eye.

"I'm bored," Galinda replied, unbothered by Elphaba's threatening glare. Elphaba couldn't scare her, no matter how hard she tried.

"Well, what do you want me to do then?" Elphaba asked testily.

"To pay attention to me," Galinda said sweetly.

For a moment, there was only silence, then Elphaba gave a resigned sigh before giving Galinda a tired look.

"Ok," she said. "What is it?" but Galinda suddenly felt ashamed. Although she was glad to know that she finally had Elphaba's attention, Elphaba sounded so genuinely disinterested and unhappy that it made Galinda feel bad. Hoping to try and meet Elphaba in the middle as a silent apology for being so tiresome, she chose to ask the green girl about her essay.

"When you say you're writing about Animal habitats, what do you mean by that?" she asked, and it seemed that her little plan worked because, the moment she asked, Elphaba's face lit up like the sun.

20 minutes later, Elphaba had just finished explaining to Galinda how, due to the increase industrialization in Oz, more and more Animal habitats were being destroyed. This was causing animals of different species to either assimilate into the industrialization, live in what little natural land was left, or die. It was a grim paper, but one for a political class, so of course it was going to test some boundaries. But as grim a topic as it was, Galinda couldn't help but latch onto the science part of the essay and she, before long, began to tease Elphaba.

"Now, observe the mighty Elphaba in her natural habitat," Galinda said suddenly, speaking in a soft and mysterious voice. Elphaba looked up at her in confusion. What was Galinda up to now?

"Watch how she sits, almost as still as a rock, resting carefully upon her black nest, carefully observing the pages in front of her," Galinda paused dramatically before carrying on. "Deeply intelligent, the Elphaba is currently engrossed in writing an essay that she hopes will achieve top marks so that her chances of survival might improve drastically!"

As Elphaba continued to listen to Galinda speak like this, she couldn't help but laugh a little. But Galinda wasn't done yet.

"Ah! Yes! And notice this rustic beast's lithe green frame and her rich, dark mane of-"

"Galinda!" Elphaba finally interrupted with a laugh. "What are you doing?"

"Just getting into the science-y aspect of your essay, I suppose," Galinda replied with a playful shrug. "It's all just the science gab, I guess."

"Science gab?" Elphaba echoed with a dry laugh. "I don't think you're taking this topic seriously enough, Ms. Arduenna-Upland!"

"Am I not?" Galinda pretended to be surprised by Elphaba's remark, but she playfully put a finger to her lips to signify that she would leave Elphaba alone again. At least for a little while.

But then, when the two began to talk again, it was Elphaba who started the conversation the second time around.

"Ah! Behold! The majestic Galinda, in her natural habitat," Elphaba suddenly began to mimic Galinda's low and soft tone from earlier.

"Elphie!" Galinda giggled, eagerly awaiting what Elphaba would say in order to describe her.

"See how she sits and gazes so intently at her own reflection, preening for hours on end!" Elphaba said.

"Hey!" Galinda's smile turned into a pout, but Elphaba ignored her.

"She does this so that she might appear more attractive to potential mates. Watch closely now as she uses all sorts of rare and mystical dyes to create a rainbow of colors for her lips! See, now, already, she possesses a fascinating collection of Very Cherry, Sun Ray and Emerald City Green. Look how she brushes her golden curls with such care and attention! It's a wonder that she has time to eat, sleep, or do anything else!"

"Elphie!" Galinda whined, but she was laughing too. "I don't think you're taking this topic seriously enough!" she mocked.

"It's all just the science gab, I guess," Elphaba replied with a wink.

Later that night, then, as the two got ready for bed, their little game with the science gab continued.

"Watch as the rare Galinda climbs into her puffy, pink nest where she'll sleep like a rock until dawn and snore all the while," Elphaba joked.

"Watch as the strange creature, the Elphaba, climbs into her bed where she'll move around and rustle the sheets until morning, no doubt dreaming of an epic hunt," Galinda stuck her tongue out in response to Elphaba's little jibe.

After exchanging a few more laughs, though, Elphaba finally flicked out the lights.

"Goodnight, Galinda," she said.

"Ah! Now listen carefully as the Elphaba engages in her nightly ritual of saying her 'goodnight' incantation," Galinda went on.

"Galinda, shhh! Enough with the Science Gab," Elphaba replied through laughter.

"Hear her now, it sounds as though she's laughing. A rare sound from such a creature," Galinda pretended to be surprised.

"But beware," Elphaba began. "The Elphaba dislikes being woken up, especially by the Galinda!"

"But of course, the Galinda is well armed in her natural defenses, with a million pillows at her disposal," Galinda countered.

"But beware of the Elphaba's attack pattern, for she'll strike when her enemy is asleep and at her weakest!" Elphaba warned. "The Galinda may wake up just as green as the Elphaba!"

"Oh! Elphie! You wouldn't!" Galinda shrieked, dropping the act at once. Elphaba snickered at Galinda's cries of horror.

"I won't," she promised. "So long as the Galinda promises to turn in for the night, for neither she nor the Elphaba are nocturnal creatures!"

"Very well," Galinda replied, getting out the last of her laughs, then the dorm fell into a slumber as, at last, the two scientists finally fell asleep.

AN: Literally randomly got inspired to do a Gelphie fic where the two talk to each other like they're Steve Irwin.