Sandcastles

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"It's about time you showed up." Alexander says from where he is sitting. I somehow muster up a smile and sit down on the sand beside him.

"Sorry. Just figured, you know, the later the better. Maybe I won't have to leave as soon." I state. He sighs and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"It's okay." he mumbles. "You'll be back before you know it. You did say you're coming back for the summer, right?"

I nod my head. Summer. That's only a few months away. I can make it. Not much can happen in a few months, right?

Wrong. That's very wrong. Loads of things can happen in a few months. I've only been here for six months and look at all that has happened.

I don't want to leave. I never expected this empty feeling I have right now. I wanted to leave this place in the beginning; I actually anticipated it. But now? How could I want to leave? Right when I was beginning to take Alexander back, everything had to break apart. We're leaving. This afternoon, actually. Dad has already left with the U-Haul and the three of us will set out this afternoon.

When I first told Alexander that we had to go back to San Fransisco, he thought I was playing some sort of twisted game on him. He refused to believe me and even asked Madeline and Ben about it. When he realized that what I was saying was true, he still couldn't believe it. After that, the two of us just talked and realized that a long distance relationship would be too difficult, so we agreed not to get back together. It would just be too hard. I still love him though. God, I love him so much it's unbelievable. It's to the point where I want to forget about everything that caused us to break apart in the first place because it doesn't even matter anymore. I'm tired of trying to convince myself that I hate him and am done with him, because I'm not and I never was.

At least the beach is pretty today. As usual, we're the only ones out here. The waves aren't huge today and just calmly crash upon the sand from time to time. It's relatively quiet, but I don't think either of us feel like talking right now. It's just now setting in that these are my last few hours before I have to leave Collins Creek.

"You have to promise to call sometime." Alexander finally speaks up. "Or video chat or whatever."

"I promise I will." I say to him. We're both silent again. I rest my head against his shoulder and focus on the waves crashing one after another.

"I'm going to miss you so damn much." He nearly whispers. "And I don't care what we say or whatever those people say in the cheesy romance movies, but I will wait for you to come back if that's what you want. Or we can make a long distance relationship work. I don't know. I just don't want things to be over."

"Me neither." I admit. "But it wouldn't work. You know that."

"It would. I know it would. And...I just know it would. We would just have to try for it." He says.

"It wouldn't work." I repeat.

His face gets a soft expression that I can't read and he looks down at the ground. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing ever, and I haven't even said it yet. How am I supposed to tell Alexander goodbye? How is it humanly possible?

"I wrote you a song, remember." He says suddenly, reaching for his guitar behind him. "I have to sing it before you leave. It's just-I want you to hear it."

Before I can protest, he starts to strum on the guitar. It's the same tune he was playing that night at the baseball game when he only got to sing a few of the words.

"So your friend's been telling me

You've been sleeping with my sweater,

and that you can''t stop missing me.

I bet my friend's been telling you

I'm not doing much better

Because I'm missing half of me.

But being here without you

It's like waking up to

Only half a blue sky

Kind of there, but not quite.

Walking around with just one shoe

I'm half a heart without you.

I'm half a man, at best

With half an arrow in my chest

I miss everything we do

I'm half a heart without you."

I'm certain people across the world could hear my heart rip in half right now. He wrote that to win me back in the first place, and now it stings even worse than it would have then. Now how am I supposed to leave?

"You couldn't have chosen a different song?" I ask while wiping at my watery eyes.

"You didn't like it?" he asks, obviously disappointed.

"No, I loved it, Alexander. That's the thing." I say. "I'm supposed to be saying goodbye and you're making me fall in love with you all over again."

"That's the thing." Alexander mocks me. "It doesn't have to be goodbye. It doesn't have to be goodbye at all. You're coming back eventually, so why does it have to be goodbye?"

"I don't know. It's just not going to work. You're making things harder than it needs to be." I say.

"No, you are! I'm trying here and-"

"Do you not realize that I'm moving today?!" I almost yell. "I'm moving across the country and you want to think everything will be okay but it won't!"

Without hesitation he pulls me into a tight hug and doesn't let go. I don't want him to, either. He just hugs me tightly while I almost cry into his shirt. I don't want to leave. I really don't want to leave and all of this is just making it harder.

"Maybe it's not going to be okay. Maybe it will. Maybe you'll find some guy in California that's much better than me, and maybe you won't. But I love you now, and I'll love you months from now. That's not a maybe, that's a promise. So maybe everything won't be okay, but we will." He says softly.

"Don't say that." I tell him. "I don't want you to wait on me or whatever, because I might not be back for a while."

"You're worth the wait. If you plan on it being that long then I guess you'll just have to come visit me in the lonely old folks home." He says with a light laugh.

"I guess I will." I say, cracking a smile. He smiles back at me while he pushes a strand of hair back behind my ear.

"I love you a lot, you know." He says. I stand on my toes and kiss him quickly before breaking away.

"I love you too." I reply. "And maybe we can make things work. But they won't be like now. I'm still going to miss you a lot, and it won't be the same."

"It will be something." He answers with a shrug.

I sigh. It's getting late, and Madeline will be ready to leave soon. We're supposed to be at some hotel in Mississippi by tonight. I'm dreading what comes next.

"You have to go, don't you?" he asks. He must've seen the look on my face.

I just nod my head and he sighs. He kisses the top of my forehead before walking me out to where I parked Mom's car.

"So, I guess this is it." I say, wiping a tear away that somehow trickled out. He looks down at the ground and I can tell he is upset but he is trying not to show it. "Bye, Xander."

He smiles a little before backing away towards his truck. He leans against the door and looks at me just as I slide into the driver's seat of the car.

"Bye, Hollywood." He replies, smirking at me as I back out of the parking lot.

Ughhhhhhh I'm sorrryyyyy

It's just that my lazy-ass self has not been in the writing mood this week, therefore it resulted in this horrible chapter -_-

Plus I hate this new update for the app. It's just throwing my mind off when I'm writing.

I'm really sorry. Maybe next chapter will be better.