~Marvel One-Shots~

The Promise (Pepper x Tony)

*Fair trigger warning. Yes, it's Pepperony, but i put it here because i'm really proud of it. i guess there might be spoilers for endgame, but only if Tony ends up dying? so no, I guess? anyways, the song above really has nothing to do with this, but it's what i listened to while writing this. so, yeah.*

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 I gave you so many reasons to leave; I opened the door, setting you free, encouraging you to embrace the freedom you'd never previously known in your time with me. But somehow, you'd always stay, no matter how many chances you were given, no matter how hard I pushed you to take that next step; to walk away from the horrible life I had been promising you.

I never understood it – how could someone willingly choose to stay with a man that was more shattered than broken glass? How could someone want to put themselves through pain, when there was always another option; an opportunity to escape the dread that haunted your life?

"Because I love you," you had told me, time and time again. "Because I would do anything for you."

Really? Did you mean it? Why would anyone want to help me, a broken shell of the man he used to be? I couldn't understand it, and perhaps I never will; but . . . did I love you back? Had I known what you felt for me, and had I felt it myself?

Yes, I did. I really, really, did. The worst part? I was too dumb to see it, too blinded by my own ego to take the action I should've.

Because yes, in reality, you had given me everything and asked nothing in return; you'd loved me even when I practically pleaded you not to, because I knew what I saw in the aftermath – I knew what was to come, had you stayed on that path, holding my hand all the way down the road I started us on.

But what happened when that road ended? You see, it was just as I'd predicted; in the end, your heart was broken, because you had gotten too attached. Was it worth it? I guess we'll never know. After all, we've lost all our chances, what more are we capable of doing? Where are you now? Where am I?

I had warned you; I had known all along that things would end this way, that we'd be separated by fate, torn apart by destiny; and what had it all cost?

It had cost you your happiness; it had stripped you of all the joy in your life; it had dwindled away the bright light of your being, the core of your existence.

As for me . . .

To know what I'd done to you, to know what I'd left behind – it was a punishment far beyond the powerful grip of death; it was a pain so unbelievably unimaginable that not even I, the one who was enduring it, could fathom such heartbreak.

For those who wonder, you still feel pain in Heaven; there's still guilt and sorrow, there's still regret and hurt that lingers in your soul, there's still pain that weighs your heart.

Although I see you, I watch over you every day of every year . . . it will never be enough. It will never be the same as touching you, as feeling your warm embrace, as feeling your heart beat as I lie next to you in the dark.

Your face haunts my memory, your voice scars my dreams. The burning I feel in my chest is because of you, because of what I did, and how it had affected you.

It will never be enough.

Knowing I lived my life with you, knowing that it was cut short and that I had not only left you, but I had left our son . . .

I'll never be able to cope with the guilt, the unspeakable pain that resides deep within my soul, the overbearing and heavy weight that has piled upon my shoulders. It drags me down; it breaks my heart to see you cry yourself to sleep every night; it destroys me to see you look into our son's eyes and see me.