Anniversaries- LAMS AU (Completed)

Prologue

     John's POV 

    I stared emotionlessly at the wall, then at the window seeing a sunset- just a sunset that once used to mean something to me. It just seemed worthless, everything. I cannot forgive myself, never- everything I had- I had lost. I shut everyone out after releasing the cold truth and yet everyone left, just as quickly as they showed up and I don't blame them. 

  The phone in my hand slowly slipped through my fingers and in the last moment I caught it before it hit the cold ground. My heart was pounding faster and faster, harder and harder. I turned my phone to see it light up causing me to see the thing I pled not to. 

  It was exactly 6:58 on August 21st 2019, the date I hated most and the date used to cherish, now it just crushes the remains of my broken like a fragile glass heart. I hadn't changed the wallpaper in a year or so. Still, same old photo, which was taken what feels like ages ago- me blushing redder than a tomato holding an innocent boy in my arms. His brunette, wavy hair put into a small bun, slight purple bags under his eyes, skin pale almost like porcelain with a slight blush on the cheeks and an unforgettable smile. That smile wasn't just a smile, it was a lot more- something you couldn't get out of your head even if you tried to. That smile, something so small but so big, something that used to be your whole world. That precious smile of his was now and forever gone, no matter how hard I'd try. 

Then, I looked back at me- he used to say I had a tremendous smile and I would always giggle with watery eyes as he said teasing me. My short, curly brown with a tint of red hair was down in that photo and the red on my cheeks looked like they were trying to cover all the freckles on my face and 'those blue eyes' as he used to say. Those blue eyes that once you could tell every emotion in, those icy blue eyes that used tell all my secrets away, those blue eyes that once had been his whole world. 

I started questioning myself again, talking to myself again. I was alone, and it was my fault- I shut everyone out after what happened, I decided to treat them badly after what happened, I screamed at them, in agony after what happened, I released my whole pain and sorrow at them after what happened. They didn't deserve any of it, I need help- they were there to help me, they tried and tried but I didn't want them to help me, so they got tired and left. And it was my whole fault because they were there for me, it's just I wasn't there for them. 

Something small and wet appeared on my cheek, it was bitter tears filled with every emotion guilt, anger, pain, shame, everything that my eyes couldn't. It's like my heart turned into a cold stone with nothing inside. I felt numb, but yet inside it hurt. It hurt so much and yet again I wanted to feel something, anything. Anything except pain. 

 'MAKE IT STOP! I BEG YOU! I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE' I sobbed as loud as I can, sounding like a 5-year old crying to his parents' to give his toy back. Deep inside I was on my knees praying to god, to anyone to come. I couldn't bear being alone anymore. Everything reminded me of him, the window- when he used to scream out loud the whole world 'I love John!', the bed where we used to cuddle, the door, the notebook he left behind, all of the stuff he didn't take and never came back. 

And there I was sitting on the couch, with his favourite hoodie that he also left behind. I haven't had a good sleep for a long time, and yet when I close my eyes sounding asleep I'm screaming inside to end this hell.  I looked once again at the screen- it was 7:30 already. I went to my photos album on my phone and pressed on the first picture we ever took together. 

It was taken exactly three years ago- when I met him. He took my phone and took a selfie with me in the background confused. And I still remember what he said to me 'Oh, Johnny boy! Say cheese!' He joked and took a picture laughing out loud with his gorgeous smile.  

I covered my mouth trying not to cry, I'm so weak. He clicked instantly, in the first minute or two of knowing each other. Oh god, I missed those times. I missed those times when we were in college doing what the fuck we wanted being young adults acting like teenagers. But that time was gone, and this year I'm turning 24.   

I turned off my phone, last time looking at the hour 8:16. I closed my eyes and remembered what it was like. I wanted to re-live every moment with him- and now I had the chance because, after all, it is our 3 year anniversary. 

// Thank youuuu sooo much for reading this!<3 It's the prologue kinda introducing the book! And don't worry cause (I think) for more than half of the book the place will take in college and them getting to know each other- and I spoiled something... damn o well- Have fun reading chapter 1, my lovely turtles! (931 words[including the author's note]) 

                                             -T