THE TWIST OF FATE

LIFE IN REVERSE

Being the first child of my parents meant numerous expectations, and growing older than my age because of a younger sibling. I always wanted a sister to play with, and finally when my sister was born I was really excited and happy and couldn't wait for her to grow up. It was really boring for me to see a little baby just crying and sleeping, but with time as she started to walk n talk we started playing together and fighting a lot. I got used to of the fact that I'll be blamed every time she messes up. "Oh beta!! You are the elder one naa she'll do whatever you'll do." Hearing this typical dialogue became a part of my routine. I started believing that she is the favorite child and no one loves me, I used to think that I am the adopted one and they are not my real parents. This also resulted in creating a distance between me and my sister Fatima.

My elder cousins used to visit my grandma-who lived with us- and me being a desperate kid always grabbed their clothes or hands whatever possible and scream loudly to make them stay and play whenever they wanted to leave.

STORY TIME:

I was 6/7 years old when I wrote a letter to my elder male cousin (Zeeshan) just to make him stay, so I wrote:

DEAR ZEESHAN,

YOU ARE MY BEST COUSIN, I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH AND I KNOW YOU WILL GO THEN NO ONE WILL PLAY WITH ME THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU PLEASE STAY MY BEST COUSIN IN THE WORLD.

FROM

EMMY

Unfortunately, my aunt read it and thought it's some sort of a love letter and scolded me a lot, she said, "Tmhy pta hy ye koi or parh ly to kia sochyga? Tobah tobah sharam kr waayy. (Translation: Do you know what's gonna happen if somone reads this? OHMYGOD!!!). So yeah lesson learnt. :D

This was not the first time me being an idiot this was just the beginning.

I started enjoying and discovering new games like "GHAR GHAR"(we act like we are a family and living together) "BARF PANI"(one player runs after the other players) I sort of got addicted to these games that when there was no one to play I used to force the girl who used to live in my house as maid.

That girl told me the whole concept of romance between a boy and a girl, and once she randomly asked me to take of my clothes and surprisingly I was totally okay with this, took off my frock and I was like "NOW WHAT?" she said to me that oh you can only do this? Now watch me, she then took a shower in front of me without being awkward, and yes I was being a shameless kid and watched her the whole time and I still remember her naked butt (yukh), and btw don't worry I was only 7yo.

I continued being a stupid and crazy child, which led me to huge problems.

One of my other male cousin used to come at our place after college and then go back home. One day I checked his bag and took out a page and I was unable to read anything as I was only 7. While I was reading it I found out sex was written on the top of the page which obviously I didn't know what it meant, when he saw me holding the paper he instantly snatched it from me and said if you want to know what's written in the paper come in the other room. I followed him to other room and he gave me back that paper and asked me to read, I didn't know how to read properly so it took ma alot of time to read word by word. He then took it back and asked me to sit, long story short I was sexually abused.

At that time I didn't know what just happened or how serious this issue is, I shared it with my cousin and she told his mom (my aunt). My aunt said, "Don't ever tell this to your parents this our secret." I agreed and promised her no to tell anyone. This was my life's biggest mistake ever, and I still regret it.

After few days I forgot what happened, and then one day after 6 years suddenly out of nowhere I suddenly started thinking about the situation, it was like someone just pressed the play button and the movie started. "I got depressed" might not do justice with what I actually felt, it was a mixture of disgust and anger and every negative feeling. I felt so helpless because obviously I can't share it with my parents, and I have to meet that person really normally and pretend like nothing happened.

This is sort of life experience made me weak and caused me depression, but with time I kept on trying to get rid of this sort of depression and I promised myself not to cause harm to myself because of that person. I am still trying to overcome my habit of overthinking and I hope I'll be better soon.

Hey Everyone!! Did you like the first part? This was my first attempt please don't forget to share your feedback, and do vote if you like it. Thankyou.