It's been a few days since Kacey has been back. The kids have gotten along fine with her, and she's been glued to their side ever since. I walk down the dimly lit hallway and stop at the doorframe of our bedroom. Kacey is laying there with Abel and Sadie cuddled into her sides. She's sprawled out sleeping with her arm around Abel as her other arm is above her head. Her hair is in another long, messy braid and she's wearing a knee-length nightgown. I watch them sleep, analyzing the seemingly perfect moment between my family. Sadie is sucking her thumb as her head is laying on Kacey's stomach, and Abel has his small arm around Al's waist with his head stuffed into her side. I notice the TV is still on and I walk over to grab the remote. I turn off the TV and set the remote back down on the side table before walking out of the bedroom and back down the hallway.
I reach out for my phone and look at the time, sighing once I notice it's just past midnight. I grab my keys and wallet, lock up the house and head out to get my mind straight. I ride my bike down the empty, quiet streets of Charming, and my mind continues to drive me wild. I sigh before parking my bike in front of a familiar house. I turn off the bike and walk over to the front door, knocking on it.
I wait patiently before the man answers the door, revealing himself as he has a beer in his hand. "Everything alright?" he asks me, and I sigh, knowing I'd be lying if I said all was well. "Come in." Nero tells me before stepping out of the way and letting me walk inside. I take a seat in the middle of his living room, feeling my head spin as I sit. I watch as Nero sits across from me, crossing his legs as he analyzes me. "What's going on? You can't tell me nothin' 'cause I know that's bullshit. What's eating away at you, man?"
I look down at my feet, not being able to make eye contact with the man who acts as a better father than Clay ever did. "I don't deserve her, I don't deserve her time, love or support. She did nothing to me, and I did awful, awful things. It's eating away at me, I can't enjoy any time with her because I feel guilty, I feel awful and I feel disgusting for what I did. I slept with so many women hoping to get rid of her, hoping to get out of my mind, but it's done nothing other than make everything ten times worse. How am I supposed to look at her, look at our children without feeling guilty? How do I tell her that the man she plans on marrying cheated on her while she laid in a hospital bed?" This is the final straw for me, and the tears that have been building up in my eyes finally let loose and begin to stream down my face. "I-I've let them down, I've let Jeff, Noah, Sadie, Abel and Kacey down. I don't deserve them, I don't deserve to be happy, to have a loving fiancé to come home to. I took advantage of that, of everything."
Nero watches me fall apart in front of him and I'm too caught up in my emotions to notice that he's now hovering in front of me. I feel him wrap his arms tightly around me as I sob into his shirt, letting everything go as I cry out in guilt, pain and shame. "You thought she was dead; you were told she wasn't going to come out of it alive. You were told that she was going to die in that hospital bed, and you made sure she was never alone. When you weren't there, Jeff was, and when Jeff wasn't, Noah was. You did what you could with what you were given, and you were dealing with a lot of shit." Nero tells me as he continues to hold me while the tears continue to pour out of my eyes. "You had to deal with Clay's bullshit, and your own demons when she was gone. You fucked up, and you made a lot of mistakes, but part of growing from it is owning up to it, and look at you. You'll feel better when you talk to her about this, and you can't use her current state as an excuse to keep this from her." I look over to the man and he sighs, looking at me with all seriousness. "You gotta' own up to this shit, bring it to the light."
I clear my throat and nod, knowing he's right. "Thanks, Nero." I tell him softly and the man nods, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I just, it's my fault, you know? If she was with anyone else, she wouldn't be fighting for her memory after waking up from a three-year coma."
Nero sighs, relaxing back into his seat, "Man, she picked you. She chose to spend her time with you, and that's nothing you can change. You can't fix the past; you can't sugar coat it. You both went through some shit, but now you've got each other. The woman of your dreams came back after you were told she never would. She's back Jax, and you're spending your time moping around feeling sorry for yourself."
He was right. He was right about everything. I do need to come clean to Kacey, and I need to treat her with the happiness and love I would've before this happened. I prayed for days on end, asking anything and anyone for her return, and she's been here. She's been back for a week, and I've done nothing but bitch and moan, drag my feet around and keep my head down instead of cherishing the time I have with her.
I wipe my tears away and look over to Nero before patting his shoulder, gripping it as I stand up. "I need to get home." I tell him, wanting to come clean immediately, but knowing I should wait until tomorrow, so Kacey isn't woken up from her needed recovery.
Nero nods, standing up as he walks me to the door. "You tell her, and you'll feel the weight blow away just like that, but you make damn sure she knows it was a mistake... Things like that can really ruin someone, especially a girl like her." I sigh before nodding. I grab my keys and walk back to my bike where I start it up before reversing out of the driveway and heading back home.
Everything that's done in the dark will be brought to the light.
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Hmm... what do you think Jax should do? Tell Kacey and be honest with her, or hide it from her until she's in better shape. Does it matter if she knows or not? Let me know your thoughts and opinions.
xx
