Mending Ryan Falls ✓

15 | in which he makes her smile

Forgive yourself over and over,
Transformation takes time.

.\.|./.

Ryan Falls

|in which he makes her smile|

This girl is probably crazy.

Not that I mind, though, because it's kind of cool too. At least this way, she won't get freaked out and run off. She kind of did run off yesterday, either taken aback by my sudden panic attack, or by my sudden suggestion about her staying over. Why I said that at all, I have no freaking idea.

Still, when she drops by the next morning, carrying a large box of homemade pasta, I can't help but smile so wide I look like a total creep.

How insane would it be if I hugged her right now?

She looks doubtful of herself when she crosses over my threshold and makes her way awkwardly towards my kitchen, while I return to bed and try not to stare.

Honestly, the most attractive thing on a human being is kindness.

Most people don't consider this, they focus on shallow aspects of the personality – looks, style, appearance, Girls think it's makeup and curves, and maybe even skin that men would fall for. For men, the focus is on abs and muscle tone.

Moving away from lust, though, life is much different. For me, I can't imagine myself being with someone who is shit but looks like a pastry. After a while, beauty doesn't seem that important anymore. How long can you possibly stay with someone who makes you miserable, no matter how good-looking they might be?

The pasta noodles with bolognese sauce are delicious, and I am truly considering hiring this girl as my chef. It might just be because of the amount of bad food I have had over the span of my life, first because of my mom, and then because of Olivia, but this girl can make tofu taste awesome.

Mom barely ever made anything at home, and when she did, I was rarely ever home to eat it. The large amounts of junk food I devoured in my teenage desensitized me to Olivia's cooking when I moved to Alaska. It's only after moving here that I also decided to try my own hand at cooking, since I had a kitchen at will and my own pick at what I wanted to eat.

I'm no professional but I have learned a few things that can prevent me from starving to death.

And now I have Crystal too.

"You know you're too nice, right?" I ask her when she hands me food.

She doesn't answer, but I see her sigh unnoticeably. I wonder what could be running through her head, and I would love to ask. So I do.

"Do you never talk?"

She looks at me, giving me an exasperated look, which I return with a bright smile.

"I do," she finally speaks. "When I have something to talk about."

"Well, how about we create something to talk about?" I suggest. "It's not much fun being in silence all the time. Especially when all you have all day is silence and emptiness."

Her face pales a little more, considering she is already so white.

"What makes you think I'm alone all the time?" she asks, sounding annoyed. "Didn't I tell you I live with my boyfriend? He might be away but I'm not alone, all right?"

I don't react, letting my smile slide nonetheless.

"I was talking about myself," I say.

Her expression changes, and I see her close in on herself.